missylo

where....

2010-05-17T10:58:00.001-04:00

this is going to sound a bit too emo for my regular self....

but perhaps i am not my normal self at the moment.

where the hell are you when i need you?

f...

healthy living..

2010-05-03T09:50:00.002-04:00

There's so much to healthy living.

I have a goal... and that is before I leave to country to go home, I will be satisfied with the way that I look in my swimsuit!

I got myself some dumbbells (they're light, 2kg each). Hopefully that will help tone my arms a bit. I don't exactly want to be pumping iron.. don't want manly arms, just toned.

And, in addition to that... is the thing that I really don't like the most: watching what I eat. and keeping track that I burn more than I eat. Counting... is such a hassle.

And, planning. There is so much planning involved in being healthy! E.g. what are you going to eat in the morning, what are you going to eat for a snack, for lunch... and dinner (well, I guess that's a little easier cos I'm at home - but what about when I'm at school?) Where do I get all that food from?!

Aside from the hassle of getting the right foods (really not something that one can find at liberty within school grounds), I've really enjoyed the exercising part! Over the last couple of days at least. I did get quite a bit of marking (i.e. work) done but I also did weights everyday and I ran or swam!

It's been god. It feels good to swim - I swam 400m on Saturday (a first time swimming that much in one session). I can't wait to get back to the pool and swim again! Maybe on Wed... we'll see. And running... I'm so glad that I have the school track to run on. Running on the pavement is really hard on my toes. That, or my socks aren't thick enough. One of my left toes keep blistering, and I'm only doing about 2k. Speaking of which, I didn't even get to 2k today... i went ot for a run at 1:30pm. Don't think I'll be doing that again.. it was shady when I left the house, by the time I got to the park connector, the sun was blazing... it was so hot. Usually, there's a lot of shade along the park connector, but not the angle that the sun is at one-thirty in the afternoon.

We'll see how long I can keep this up... I'll keep you posted about the progress. We'll see if we end up looking any different. One month - maybe, maybe not.

The same question...

2010-04-29T11:12:00.001-04:00

Over and over again....

What is it that I really want?

It is that same question, over and over again... that crops up...
that I don't know how to answer... that I cannot answer because I don't have the answers to it.

Days passing by...

2010-03-11T08:16:00.001-05:00

The last few weeks have been quite hectic. I come home at seven or eight in the evening, take my supper and continue to work into the night.

It just seems that the days are passing by way too fast. It's almost been a year - it's gone by way too fast...

I want to slow time down. Imagine a hercules trying to slow the spin of the earth, to slow the passing of time, yet not slow the events.

It's already almost been a quarter century, and sometimes I think to myself: what have I accomplish, what have I achieved? I begin many things without mastering.

Anyways, just my thoughts.. Life is really too short for it to just pass by... So much I want to do before I go, before.... And somehow, in someway, I'm not letting myself do as much as I really can..
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The Red Pill

2010-03-07T02:47:00.002-05:00

More recently, I think I've come to realize reality.

The reality of the working world. That this is how much of my time and life it will consume. That I will ne to put in this much, if I want to achieve proportionate amounts.

You see, I never thought that my job included many of the things that I am currently doing. It has been rather difficult for the last six months to try to get used to the culture here. Or, perhaps that was the excuse that I was giving myself. As a newbie on the job, I was lucky and was given only a portion of the responsibilities of that of a regular.

When January rolled around the corner, lo and behold, i was not longer treated as a newbie. With six months under the belt, I was given the full responsibility. And, boy, did that shock, stun and surprise me all at the same time. I felt overwhelmed and flabbergasted with all the responsibilities that were expected of me. Note, not even something that was considered beyond expectations... this was just meeting it.

I know that I've been fighting it. Fighting the different working hours, the holidays that we did/did not get, the different customs, the different responsibilities, etc, etc., etc....

Somewhere ... the red pill dawned on me, subconsciously, perhaps. Somewhere and somehow, I stopped fighting it. I didn't want to feel bitter and bicker about it anymore. I was a bit sick of complaining. I found that I enjoyed myself much more. I put more of myself into doing what I did. Put more thought into planning and executing the things that I'd planned.

the last few weeks have been really crazy. I'm finding it hard to find the energy to study after coming home from a 12,13 hour day at work.

Experienced a lot of first-times this year. My first time preparing a lecture for 800 students. My first time making an announcement in front of 800 students. I must have rehearsed it at least 5 times before going to bed, and another 5 times before presenting it. It was nerve-wracking. It's been a long time since I've felt those pangs of nervousness speaking in public, but after speaking for a few a little while, it seemed so natural. I am happy that it went well.

I think I'm reaching the point where I feel like I'm about to break, but I only find that I don't. Instead, i get stretched. The more I take on, the more I'll be able to take on. it's scary.

I feel like i'm about to burn out, but I find that I don't.

rest is almost around the corner. June is coming.
I can't wait to go home.

New School Year

2010-02-10T08:30:00.002-05:00

Quite pumped up and excited about this new year,

and looking forward to it!

Hope things will continue to go well!

A Long Time Coming

2010-02-01T09:37:00.001-05:00

It's been a long time, but I think I am finally ready.

There are still many things that I have to come to terms with, things that I'm not quite clear of or sure even exist. The only way I can think of to describe it is: it's like knowing that there is something going on, not know where or how, or what it is that is going on...but then someone describes exactly what you are going through. And, the pieces fall in place. The pieces fit so closely and the picture becomes so clear! That's exactly how I feel.

And, I feel that I am ready. Ready to take the first baby step. The first of many.

I can't wait to see how it goes.
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Being creative...

2010-01-30T04:21:00.001-05:00

Here's a spur of creativity, I'd like to think...

Sitting in a warmly lit room, the sun at my back pours in to fill,
Waves of lounge and jazz reverberate to a familiar pulse

Images of people and faces as they walk by, talk by reflect the urgency of a need to ...

Thought glaze over my head like a razor grazes over skin. It's like an image that flashes by, but leaving deep imprints.

So wanting to hold on, yet helplessly watching it be let go...
It's like stretching out your hand to grasp, those dancing stars of your mind. They are so close, so near, yet so ever unreachable.

Sitting still, legs crosses, propped on the immovable sofa
The busy bustle continues around. The world spins endlessly about a still point.

Different shapes, different sizes, move toward and past.
High sounds, low sounds, dance about all around.

Little bells ringing, tiny mouths giggling, I wonder what it's like to be an infant again.

People talking, texting, typing.
In flips, in flops, in flats, in talls.
Things just don't stop.

I wonder but for a moment, what it would be like, to step away. To be outside. To turn back and take a look behind.

What if this world stopped spinning just for a moment, if it froze for me to explore it, what would I find?

The things to do, the choices to pick, decisions to make and sacrifices at stake...

Where will all this lead to? Someplace beyond. Someplace further.

To Randomness and Rowdy-ness, Laughter and lovelyness. Things feel that much better.
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Dad visiting this weekend

2010-01-28T08:35:00.002-05:00

My dad's coming for the weekend!!

Thinking of taking him to a few places around town:

Clarke Quay (we need to do the bum boat)
Geylang (for food and durian)
Vivocity for the view
Chinatown
Little india
Raffles
City Hall
Lau Sat Pat

We'll see if we can fit everything in the short time that he'll be here!

The Story of Stuff

2010-01-15T05:29:00.002-05:00

The Story of Stuff

Posted using ShareThis

Got this through an e-mail Chris sent me, there's a pretty good flash video about 'stuff', all the stuff that we have and the stuff that we use. I think it's a really excellent video for students to watch during an environment lesson.

"Slow Death by Rubber Duck" is a Canadian Bestseller and another source where we can learn more about stuff.

At the same time that it's made me aware of how the stuff that we use pollutes us, I'm feeling a bit skeptical (and perhaps 'hopeless' is a better word) about change. I would love for the world to change... but my vision of that was shattered a while ago. I used to think that we could eradicate poverty. But I've lost hope in that. maybe there's too much greed in this world. But even if there isn't, all it takes is just one bad apple...

During training today, the facilitator mentioned that the main aim of community service groups is termination. After mulling over that a bit, I agree with him (maybe not for ALL organizations, but for many). We initiate charity organizations, non-profit organizations because we see a need for them. A few examples are: Let'sSTOPAIDS, Cancer Foundations, homeless shelters... these all aim to help people who are in need and I do think that they want to terminate whatever is causing the problem. To: StopAids, Cure Cancer, and get people off the streets.

We have a universal education right by UNESCO to help eradicate poverty... so many things are put in place in hopes of stopping the harm that humans have caused. But do all these solutions address the root of the problems?

I know that a lot of people are trying to right many wrongs. A lot of people are doing a lot of good out there, and I believe that their efforts are helping and in part in the making of making this world a better place.... but there are big stakeholders that don't budge. There are so many examples of such stakeholders and as cynical as I am, our "good-doing" are midgets compared to the big giants.

Every time I want to make a change and initiate something, I hit this block.

Maybe I need a little more faith. Just a little more faith.......

Getting ready...

2010-01-10T05:05:00.002-05:00

Alright, big day tomorrow!

A bit nervous, a bit jumpy for the big day!

:)

I guess it's a good thing.

Another Year, A Fresh Start

2010-01-08T10:05:00.003-05:00

I guess this is the really neat part about my job.

Every year is a fresh page, a new start.

This year will be different. It seems as if it is my "real" year. I get to start right from the start (opposed to in the middle as I did last year).

I meet them on Monday. I'm nervous, and I know it's normal. For my anyways.

After stepping out of the boardroom today, I felt overwhelmed. I know that it was just a feeling, and that it was from the nature of the situation: an information overload. It was, in a way, necessary for everyone to understand everything in a short period of time, because that was the only time left for information transfer. Now that it's a few hours and a movie later, I feel a bit better.

I have a better understanding of where things fit in on the timeline.

It will be busy, sometimes crazy busy, but I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to the connections and bonds that I will make, the new friendships, and rekindling the oldships.

"Invictus"

2010-01-08T09:28:00.004-05:00

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

I can imagine a lot of reviews, blogs, tweets and writings about this poem, about this movie.
I watched it with a colleague earlier this afternoon after learning that Invictus is about Nelson Mandella and South Africa. I also walked into the theatre asking myself how I'd be able to link this movie to the subject that I teach. I learned something today, and I'm glad I sat for the show. I think that the movie acts as a good starting place for those who don't really know about the political situation back in the 1990s in South Africa (i.e. myself). Not to mention it's also a good way to learn a bit about Rugby (I learned that you score 3 points kicking a ball between the posts - so that's what the posts are for!). I also think this movie would be a good one to show students to get them thinking about the racial tensions and why Mandella did certain things (to eas the tension, etc). This movie does cover quite a spectrum of topics that we cover in class, ranging from Politics to Prejudice.

Think I might just make a DVD recommendation to the school. We'll see.

Memiors of a Geisha

2010-01-03T06:25:00.004-05:00

Suyuri.

Yet again, I chance upon another movie that I had wanted to watch for a very long time. This time, the movie sitting in my room for the last month, under the demise of another name unknown to me. I hadn't realized this DVD set was that of a Geisha's! It was a good watch. In between my trying to figure out where I recognize each actor from, it was a cute story. I wonder if the Geisha were really like that. If the customs were as they were portrayed in the movie. I suppose I'll have to watch the 2nd DVD, the one about their production (and behind the scenes). Since I bought the Japanese version, I can't read the titles of the different chapters, means I get to watch the whole thing!

So much i want to read, watch and indulge myself in!

Life really is a bit short to fit all these things in. My infamous question: why must I choose? Why can't I have both? (In this case, it's why can't I do it all?! The only answer i've received from that so far is: because cest la vie.)

Moulin Rogue

2009-12-29T03:55:00.000-05:00

I finally watch this classic love tragedy a decade (probably even longer) later.

I see Nicole Kidman in a different light. She is a beautiful woman. In that movie at least. A wishful, tragic drama. A bit too wishful, and I suppose there were some bits that flowed a little funny, some parts that didn't seem realistic, but an okay drama/musical nonetheless.

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Movies to catch... At some point

2009-12-29T03:49:00.002-05:00

Invictus
Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.)
The Informant
Salt (another JOLIE movie! There are a few Jolie ones that I want to see Changeling, Brave Heart)
Alice in Wonderland - mmm, Johnny Depp. There are also a number of this movies that I haven't seen.
The Proposal

To be updated.
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A Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T13:20:00.004-05:00

Came home from a very filled Christmas day. I think this is one of the fullest that I've ha, at least from what I can remember.

Lunch Buffet with a good family here in Singapore. They have been so kind, warm and welcoming, long before I even set foot on Singapore soil. I am very grateful and fortunate to have had such lovely hospitality from them. In a land where I know no one, it is very nice to have someone reach out their helping hands to you.

After spending my lunch with the wonderful family, they drove me home and I prepared to set off for my next celebration with the dear friends that I've made in Singapore. Ann Marie invited me to her house for Christmas Dinner. My ignorance did not serve me well. Nor did my bad manners. They were very fine people indeed to embrace the situation despite my ignorance and my bad manners. Big people with big hearts. I am lucky to have these people around me, to support me and be here in Singapore with me. It was a lovely Christmas spent with them indeed. To come to think of it, I think that was one of my first Christmas Dinners where there was turkey, ham and a fully blown meal. Thank you for allowing me to experience that in Singapore.

On my way home, I was greeted by a nice taxi man who wished me a very merry christmas when I stepped into the cab. Very nice way to end the evening.

Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I will head out to the University for my first Chemistry tutorial. I want to learn something and get something from that session, so I will. :)

As 2009 draws to an end, I wonder to myself, what will 2010 bring? One thing that I have learnt, if I want something, I can't still, wait and wish for it to come to me. I need to go out and GET it.

Scissors

2009-12-24T10:50:00.002-05:00

Edward Scissorhands. That was Johnny Depp, and that was Winona Ryder - this movie is an oldie. Indeed, a 1990 movie, a good nine years prior to Girl Interrupted (1999) where Winona starred along with Angelina Jolie and Brittany Murphy in another good movie.

Johnny Depp does not cease to amaze me with his talent. I knew it said Johnny Depp on the cover of the DVD, it just didn't seem like him. But then again, neither does it seem like him in Pirates, or the Secret Window, or anything he acts in really. He is one of the actors that I really admire for being able to portray the character so well that we forget the man behind the man we see is Johnny Depp. In Scissorhands, from his speech, to the way he walked, his emotions, and actions. I just couldn't find Johnny or any resemblance of him! Maybe it was the make up, or some sort of synthetic device to change the pitch of his voice, but whatever it was, it fooled me good.

I really need to get my hands on Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. I guess he doesn't leave Scissors, eh?

Welcome 2010

2009-12-23T21:20:00.006-05:00

As 2009 draws to an end...

Thinking back unto this year. So many things have happened. It seems that drastic changes have taken place with the snap of fingers. Time has flown by, really like the blink of an eye.

I had set out to accomplish several things when I set out on my journey to a country half-way across the world, alone, away from my family and friends. I had made promises to my friends, my loved ones, and myself. I was thinking of evaluating how far I'd come in achieving those goals and promises, but am deciding against doing that. After reading a blog about keeping new years resolutions, I think i'm going to have a different approach to this resolution setting thing. And thus, not really a need to evaluate my own progress in lieu of the "new year", because my goals have nothing to do with the new year.

I would like to write about an inspiration from Karen Au regarding about how I count my days. It was really something that struck a chord somewhere. To count my days with the connections that I make and break. Thanks for sharing that.

I've also written somewhere before, and more recently, remember talking to someone about the one ting that i've learned. And that this, if I want something, I need to go and get it. It doesn't necessarily mean snatching or forcefully taking. It does mean I need to be assertive, and at times even a little aggressive in taking action to get what I want done.

Another lesson about 'doing things' that I need to remember is that doing something (even though it might turn out not as great as one would have hoped/wanted) is better than not doing anything at all. I've found that with my numerous encounters with friends and family, my final decision of action ends up being: nothing. I don't take any action because I don't want to make a wrong move, I don't want to make things worse than they already are. I would like to remedy the situation, but I don't know how I can go about ensuring that my actions will really make things better instead of worse. And working within the time constraints (because actions need to be taken within a certain time frame of the event to be effective) is not my strength. Most times, I am slow at thinking of good solutions or actions to take. By the time I come up with a solution, the time to action has already long gone. The end results ends up being the same - that the action is: nothing.

More recently, i've noticed that my inaction speaks louder than my actions. Or at least, I think that they leave a longer lasting impressions. Not necessarily for the better. I think because when i display 'inaction', the message that is received/perceived from the other party is that of apathy, lack of support, that I don't care. I also forget that silence most of the time means silent consent. When I am silent, I am thinking and trying to analyze what the person's just said. I also forget that the person I'm talking to doesn't know this, and I forget to tell them that I'm thinking about what they've just said. I spend a lot of silent moments trying to think of how to express my ideas (or perhaps I might agree with some of your p.o.v, but not entirely). But, I take a bit too long, and the time has passed and we've already moved onto another topic. The person having taken my "silence" as consent to their p.o.v. A wee bit problematic, innit?

The list continues, but it's a bit boring talking about all this social conundrums and how they fit (or don't) into my life. I know that some of my friends would say: Knowing and accepting is the first step. True. now, let's try to take the next step.

I'm looking forward to 2010. Looking forward to learning about life and what it brings. It's as good as we make it, and I'm looking forward to making it a good one, regardless of the ups and downs that it might throw at me. Much easier said than done. But whatever happens, life will go on with or without you. We need to move on.

起初的愛心

2009-12-23T12:50:00.006-05:00

Found this playing in on my shuffle list.

It hit a chord and resonated with a certain string. 起初的愛心.

尋回起初的愛心

如我的心被冷冰封鎖我無力關心他人
重記主恩為我竟犧牲請你重燃我心
回望我主十架中犧牲我流淚為何忘掉救恩
求你賜恩讓我可更生重建舊日的愛

重拾信心尋回起初的愛心
原來主愛未離棄眷顧我已成就救恩
重建愛心敬拜我主用盡我心
獻上我一生作活祭我要以你愛服待人

重拾信心尋回失落了的心
原來主愛沒嫌棄挽救我已尋獲永生
重建愛心敬拜我主用盡我心
獻上我一生作活祭我要以你愛服侍人

Thanks to Hasan for the Link.
Credits to:
尋回起初的愛心 – 新曙光教會
作曲　　　　　　朱仔
填詞　　　　　　朱仔
主唱　　　　　　鄧婉玲
監製　　　　　　林少聰
錄音　　　　　　鄧婉玲 @ 有聲奶昔

Avatar

2009-12-21T06:24:00.002-05:00

I've been wanting to see this movie ever since I saw the trailer back in Hong Kong, and I managed to fulfill that want today.

The 3-D version was a bit hit, and of course with only 1 hour til the show, only the first three rows were available. To my surprise, there was also a 2D playing, and good seats available. Surprising only because I couldn't locate the 2D version of it online.

I also need to mention that this is my first time going to see a movie alone, and I thoroughly enjoyed the show. I laughed laughs and managed to well up a few tears. I really liked it! I think I like it so much that I wouldn't mind going with friends to see the 3D version, provided that we can get seats somewhere remotely within the vicinity of the back of the cinema hall.

I don't want to share too much, but I do recommend this one.

And, while I'm on the topic of movies, I also watched Saw V and Saw VI recently. (Been taking "movie-watching" breaks in between my study sessions). I don't particularly like Saw VI, but Saw V is interesting. None of them match up to any one of the first three, though. As expected. I think the plot gets a bit messy, but you sort of think of yourself as a "fan" because you've seen the first one or two, so you might as well just continue and see what it's all about.

By the way, thankfully, I didn't/ haven't had any nightmares yet. Knock on wood.

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What's going on in Singapore Dec 2009

2009-12-18T07:40:00.002-05:00

I started December off by being in Hong Kong. It was really good to be back. My last trip to HK was about a year and a half ago. The purpose of my trip was to visit family and friends, and I'm happy about my trip because those two purposes have been fulfilled. I've come to realize that we are always short on time, but we all only have so much - so, how do we choose to spend it?

I'm going through the loss of a friend, someone who played such a significant role in my life, as a friend, a confidant, a role model, a source of comfort and hope. I've never really experienced this before, and i'm not quite sure how to deal with it. I'm also not sure how to talk about it, but since the underlying purpose of my trip related to this, it felt natural to include it here. The purpose of my trip to HK was to spend time with my grandparents, to be with them while they are still here. Too many a time have I taken for granted and learned not how to cherish. Too many a time I hope there will be no more.

On another note, I have been studying for my MCAT to be written late April next year. Physics has been quite a challenge for me and I've found someone to help me. I am extremely grateful that I happened to find a physics instructor.

Browsing the internet: I've also been reading lifehacker.com quite religiously recently and have been downloading add-ons to my Firefox 3.5. A lot of neat things on that site! I'm also looking to get Windows & for my MacBook, but that might wait until the new year.

Are things...

2009-11-14T04:18:00.002-05:00

Really as messed up as they seem?

I mean, I'm not talking about that sort of messed up, but the other sort of messed up.

It's been five months now, and have I fulfilled or achieved my goals? Any of them?

truth be told. no. i hope that it's a 'not yet'.

Wake Up

2009-11-11T19:39:00.005-05:00

This is something that I really need to do.

In terms of everything in life, it seems.

But, here's a funny that i'd like you to enjoy:

www.xkcd.com/507/

This Week

2009-11-04T06:07:00.002-05:00

This week's been kinda crazy.

Started last Saturday.

Just a lot of things going on - things that I didn't think of thoroughly enough before promising.

Not checking my schedule before promising.

sighh.

Happy Hallow!

2009-11-01T01:46:00.002-04:00

Celebrated Halloween last night by dressing up as a lady Riddler and going to Clarke Quay for a drink and a dance, then migrating to zouk for more dancing.

Amazing costumes out there.

Say one strange metal-head looking creature, he said that he was from the movie: Silent Hill. Ive seen the movie, but I don't remember seeing anything gold, with a metal-head that's shaped like a diamond.

I'll let you in on the pics when they're posted.

Red Red Wine

2009-10-25T09:46:00.002-04:00

Don't ask...

I went to Kuala Lumpur last weekend, and during the trip, I had an epiphany - to be a bit blunt: beer is making me fat. To be more politically correct (like a typical Canadian) - it seems as if beer is contributing significantly to my dietary intake, to a point where I cannot burn off the calories that I consume.

Anyways, after the trip to Kuala Lumpur, and a brief discussion with Chris, I've decided that I'm going to psychologically chose to consider wine as an option. And recently, I've tried a few red wines, and I'm beginning to like it. I've figured that like most things: beer, durian, and any-other-thing-that-you-dont-like-at-first, wine is an aquired taste, and i'm beginning to acquire it. Of course, I'm a newbie, and have no idea what is wine that "tastes good" or wine that doesn't taste good - one day, I'll get there, now that I'm willing to put the liquid in my mouth and accept it.

Over the last two weeks, I've had the lovely opportunity to try out different wines, and accidentally white wine too (probably some ridiculously cheap but overpriced white souveignon Blanc from Howl at the Moon - was there last night for a comedy). The comedy was great though! So far, I've only tried Cabernet and Shiraz. Shiraz is.... can't quite find the word to pinpoint the taste - for an amateur, I'm going to say that it tastes signficantly more "sour" than the Cabernet Sauvignon. I've tried Jacon's Creek and French Cellar so far. The Australian Elderton that i've just had - is a Shiraz (68%) and Cabernet (32%) mix, is ridiculously "sour" and tastes much better at room temperature than chilled (which was what I had at first, and thus was able to experience the change in taste from chilled (at about 4 degrees Celsius) to room tempurature - it doesn't take that long when you're in a tropical country, and there's no air-conditioning in the living room/dining room area.

and thus, the experimenting continues!

By the way, it's a damn expensive hobby to upkeep over here.

backwards

2009-10-23T21:50:00.003-04:00

it is good to realize and understand that, for the longest time, I have been stuck in the past.

Caught up.

Fixated, without really knowing it. it catches me unawares. Or, I was aware, but consciously chose to ignore and pretend that it was not.

It's almost liberating to know that perhaps this is what is hindering me. Holding me back, preventing me from taking leaps forward.

We've all heard that our past will shape our future. But, little did I realize that by using the little experience that I have as a benchmark, how greatly I am limiting my future.

Look beyond oneself, look at the experience of those around me in addition to my own. Seems quite straightforward and quite common-sensical to most, but there are the few of us to take a little longer to realize and catch up.

Red Red Wine and I'm Yours

2009-10-23T20:52:00.003-04:00

Been having these two songs stuck in my head infectiously/perpetually for the last few days.

Listening to viva la vida

2009-10-01T11:59:00.000-04:00

It's been about a year, and I still can't get enough of this song!!!

"That was when I ruled the world..."
It was a wild wind, blew down the doors to let me in... People couldn't believe what I'd become"

Came back from Brewerks, had a Hawaiian pizza tonight - mm, it was rather doughy... Yuck? Then, decided to mark papers instead of go to bed... So here I am, listening to my music on my blackberry, and marking away. It's so very strange how I'm so much more productive at home than at work... It's never been this way back in Canada! Too many things at home to distract me - now, there are too many things distracting me at the office! :)

Anyways, now that I'm a little behind schedule on my own marking target.... I'll need to do some catching up. Although, I must admit that I was a being a bit too ambitious and unrealistic when setting my goals, especially know that I'd be at school instead of at the office. Will know for tmr. ;)

Nitey now.
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Dreams

2009-09-29T19:47:00.004-04:00

Not sure why...

For the last two nights, I haven't been sleeping well, and this comes in conjunction with my dreaming.

I haven't had any dreams since I've been in SG, especially not as vivid, as strange and emotionally charged as the ones i've had the last 48-56hours.

Pondering

2009-09-29T01:42:00.003-04:00

Having been going through a different phase during work recently. It's exam/test-taking time, and life at work is a lot different than the past 11-12 weeks.

Things are going pretty slow - time is given to us to mark, mark and mark.

And, during these times, I feel pockets of "free time" where I'm not too sure what to do with myself. Perhaps it is the nature of the beast, but there's only so much one can mark before they lose focus and can't help but so something else, like I'm doing now.

Last week, at least I was partially productive, picking up my MCAT book during my free time. But, when Sunday rolled around, I just didn't feel like listening to Physics and studying it. Yes, it is my weakest subject, and it is the one that I should be concentrating on... because I don't really like it, and becuase that is one of the main areas that I am ridiculously weak in.

In a more recent conversation with Chris... it's been a while since I've had the opportunity to speak with someone about deep philosophical ponderings. I remember the last time I really went into a deep conversation ... was with Ju, about religion, love. I miss that.

I miss it... a lot.

I'm thirsting for it. I think, being in Singapore... with noone that I really know, don't feel comfortable enough with to really talk about things that are beneath the surface... (don't get me wrong, I'm really happy that i do have a regular group of people that I can get together and hang out with). You know when you feel those pangs of ... yearning for something. some sort of release, to get the hell out of this place... to run out into the sun, and to just do something to release all the pent up energy.. that's exactly how I am feeling right now. How I long for someone here to understand what's going on through my mind.... and to have someone who has similar desires and goals as I do.

I really miss being able to talk to my close ones back in Toronto. I really do.

Travelling

2009-09-28T10:16:00.003-04:00

So, I've been thinking...

Travel is fun! Not exactly a relaxing thing to do - and, it doesn't need to be!

I want to travel to quite a few places near Singapore. A bit ashamed to admit this, but I've only recently looked at the map and have visually defined where Singapore is in relation to Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia, the Philippines, Vietnam and Hong Kong.

Thailand is so close, and it's closer to fly to Vietname than the Hong Kong!?!?!

I've been to one place: Bali, Indonesia.

Next up on the schedule is: an island in Malaysia

There are a few places that are a 45 min ferry ride away from Singapore (Bintan, Batam) but I'd prefer to go to few other places, in no particular order:

Thailand:
Beach: Krabi or Koh Samui. Prefer Krabi, less touristy.
City: Chiang Mai. I think I'd choose to come here more than Krabi... as much as I love the beaches, culture and history, and elephant parks is something that I want to experience.

Vietnam:
city: Saigon aka. Ho Chi Minh

Malaysia:
don't really have any preference. Though, the beaches would be nice.

Laos:
Don't know why, but I'm just not pulled to go visit.

Indonesia:
city: Jakarta to be squished in with the other 18 million people in the city.

Cambodia:
no clue. need to do more research

Any thoughts on where else to go, what to do in South East Asia?

Today

2009-09-24T05:04:00.000-04:00

Heading over to register for a club membership :) that way, I'll be able to go swim!! :)

Ran with a colleague today, did the 2km without stopping!! It was good! Feel refreshed!
Sent via BlackBerry from SingTel!

Restless

2009-09-22T10:16:00.000-04:00

It's hard not to be! I'll be getting about 14x30 exams to mark tomorrow, but there are so many things to look forward to!!

I went running yesterday evening, and I did a full 2K without stopping, was gasping for air and had to force my legs to keep moving so they don't collaspe under me, but the running was great! I went again today, haven't had a run this late before, the sun was already almost down - 7:05pm, but I made the 2K again, and this time it wasn't that painful!! So, I want to do it again: tomorrow and thursday. See if I can do it a few days in a row and improve my stamina!!

And. Of course only until Thursday, because friday, I have an F1 event to go to!!! My very first Formula One event!! Will need to remember to charge the camera and have a free 2GB Memory stick! It'll be a lot of fun with my fab ladies!

I've finished writing something for work, which makes me feel great!!! And, without classes this week, I should have much more time to study at home!!! I did some extra studying this weekend. I'm hoping to get in at least an extra two sessions in these two weeks :) I'll let you know how it goes.

So, if I can keep up with this sort of running, I'll need to get a new pair of runners and another tank and pair of running shorts. But, we'll see how it goes!! If anything, that will need to wait til next month. Speaking of exercise and such, I'm thinking of joining a club that's not too far from where I live! It's great that I get a really wicked deal for the membership since it's affiliated with my company. So, if everything works out, I'll have access to a 50m swimming pool. Hopefully go for a swim every other weekend or something like that!

An looking forward to the hang of things. Things will turn out alright.
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St James Power Station

2009-09-21T09:46:00.000-04:00

It's been a long time since I've gone to bed so late in the night. Reminded me of the song: 4 in the morning.

The power station was quite awesome. I learned from my cabbie that the power station's quite busy on the weekends, even the non-holiday weekends, and even on sunday evening!

The station had quite a number of rooms, each playing a different kind of music. I gotta admit, the best room was the first room we went into: the salsa room. I wish we'd stayed there longer!! and of course, we also went to DragonFly, since that's where the ladies' night was!

It was great to have a few more people there. One of the gals brought her roommate plus roommate's sister! :)

It was a lot of fun!! Will def go back if I get the chance, and next time, not in stilettos.

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My first Travel Trip here

2009-09-06T09:25:00.000-04:00

This coming week is the holidays, and I'll be going off to Indonesia!!!

Bali.

Kuta.

Can't wait to go for a spa/massage and soak up the sun.

With lots of sunscreen on, of course.

Probably won't be blogging during my stay there - but will write about it when i get back!

Heading Home from Chinatown

2009-09-06T00:56:00.000-04:00

My plan went a bit wonky today. I've always planned to have my Sundays to be my working day - a day dedicated for me to do work related work, and my own self-studying work. I usually begin by making breakfast, and starting off with some marking. I like to give myself a block of 3-4 hours to just study, straight. Usually, the only time that fits such a large chunk of time is after lunch. So, about now.

Managed to look over a few things and do a bit if planning for my classes when I see them.

I've come to Chinatown to exchange some monies for my little trip to Indonesia. Really need to work on sticking to my planned budget.

Can't wait, I take off tomorrow evening!

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Sept 1, Teacher's Day

2009-09-01T09:52:00.001-04:00

There's a Celebration day that grants students, teachers and teaching staff a holiday from school: Teacher's Day.

The celebration, usually takes place the day before Teacher's Day, is an event for students to pay tribute to their teachers. It's such a heart-warming event/occasion.

We also had a Teacher's Day Dinner, organized by the school for the staff to get together and have dinner. It was great - a good time to get to know the other teachers and speak with a few of the deputies.

:)

Will write again. Trying to post pictures up on facebook, but the Internet is not being cooperative. Will try again later.

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Reply

Forward

Testing

2009-08-15T01:12:00.001-04:00

Just trying out this email to blog feature - I think I'll really boost my posting frequency.

Made a morning trip to the grocers. Now, heading out to mall to pick up a few books a ordered a week ago (really glad that I'm able to pick up the books now - a week earlier than I had anticipated!!)

I need to write about last night. My first time out to an art musuem, and it was a lot of fun!! It was my first experience with an "art museum" and it was interactive.
I loved the "vertical submarine" exhibition. You got to go into this closet (guarded by two black hooded/masked men - they looked like robbers in guard clothing). The closet led into another room. It was great! Standing inside the exhibit, you would see "people coming out of the closet". Literally. It was quite a clever, ingenious and funny way to get people to be a part of the art. Loved it. Another part of the exhibit had people make art. This artist had her background in education, and her work revolves around her interaction with people/children/adults/older adults, etc. She would record conversations and video what people were doing, how they interacted with each other. Their art was her art. It was fantastic. I ended up pastelling an amoeba.

Fun times.

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a little late

2009-08-13T08:26:00.000-04:00

It's been two months already?!

It has been two months!

My sincere apologies for not updating you sooner. Life overseas is quite the experience.
The food. Oh, the food. I can talk about food for a long time.
The culture, the students, the work. Things have been going quite smoothly.

The transition from Toronto to Singapore has been a rather smooth one.

Though, i owe much. two months worth of photos, and e-mails. A bit pathetic, I admit. I'll get to it this weekend.

A few weeks ago, I decided to pick up jogging. Looking at my jogging patterns for the last three weeks, it has been rather... sporadic. I ran 3 times/week, then twice a week, and I haven't jogged since Sunday for this week, and Friday is already around the corner.

I want to talk to you about a movie that I've seen lately: GIA.
It is a very good drama. I highly recommend it if you are a Jolie admirer, or are up for a good drama. A warning though, the content is mature and is not suitable for children/young adults.

a game of D & D

2009-06-06T13:52:00.002-04:00

My first time playing a RPG, and it was lots of fun.

Thanks to kenny for taking the time to think of the plot, and the story development.

I also learned a lot about myself tonight. That i still learning to think about the bigger picture, learning to make sense of everything. Learning.... learning....

Packing and things

2009-05-23T17:20:00.001-04:00

I don't know why I'm such a slow packer!!
I find myself just sitting there thinking of what and how I should pack instead of just crakcing down to it, and to get a moving!!!

Got me a few suitcases.. so the things will be getting into the the luggage sacks.

Leaving for SG

2009-05-16T10:05:00.003-04:00

that i am, that i am!!

I'll be leaving June 7th. It'll be in three weeks form tomorrow. I was talking to Ju yesterday, and it seems so close, but so far away.

There are so many things I want to do before I go, so many things to do, like pack and things. But, there's so little time!

I am starting to appreciate time. To appreciative thinking about what I need to do. Appreciative of planning. I think, that the last week was the first time where every morning, I'd thinking about the things that i needed to do that day, and then every night, i'd think about all the things that i needed to do the next day, and a few days ahead. I'm working on it.

Lots of things to do.

MD school is a thought that is lurking at the back of my mind. i'll explore it more when I'm in SG.

Staying on top of things...

2009-05-09T23:34:00.003-04:00

someone is not really on the ball with things.

I need an organizer.

I carry too many things. too many redundant things.

we talked about a few things - getting an organizer that i carry with me everywhere - one of those with a pen attached so I will always have something to write in. And then, contemplating investing in a blackberry. So, i will have everything in one. not a separate pda or a calender and contacts, a seaprate phone, a separate music player. I wonder if i can get the blackberry to do a google calender function: to email me all the events that I have that week.

anywho. maybe i'll talk to hei about it tmr.

Internship

2009-04-30T17:32:00.002-04:00

This has been the first week of my internship, and it's been going great!!!

I've been working with students on the robotics project, where students build robots from lego parts and program the robots to move down a path and go to different stations. The first station is the food and water station, where students need to program their bot to go to the station and then head back to the safe base. The food and water station is the closest station away from the 'safety' zone that they are in. Then, they try to get their bots to the radio station where it's a bit further away, and they program the bot to talk, like its speaking on the radio. And finally, they try to get their bot to reach the rescue station, where everyone upon reaching, everyone is safe!!!

Really neat and cool project!! I can't believe that I got a chance to work on it, it's such a privilege!!

re: Battling

2009-04-15T08:55:00.001-04:00

After reading a friend's post...

do i agree.

We are our own greatest opponent. And, I daresay, greatest enemy.

Let there be no self-defeat.

decisions, decisions.

2009-03-31T07:00:00.001-04:00

what can i say... decisions....

Thanks for the good night

2009-03-29T12:17:00.002-04:00

Thank you for coming out last night!!!

It was great to see you there to celebrate yet another year of my life.

you guys are so thoughtful.

The cheesecake, was amazing!!!! thank you chris! ^^

untitled

2009-03-25T15:33:00.005-04:00

It hasn't dawned on me yet, how life will be, as a lone individual, placed in a country where I have no connections, no friends. In an environment where I have never set foot on before.

I am, I know, nervous of this experience, yet both excited an interested at the same time.

There is so much for me to learn There is so much that I can build upon.
I know that the field of teaching, is not a job that you do perfect in day one. Rather, it is a profession where your skills can be refined over the years, as gold is refined through the fire. Of course, only if the gold is willing to be refined.

How did things happen so fast?

It seemed like only yesterday, and it is likely that within two short months, I will be on my way to the other side of the world.

What will I do to keep in touch with my friends here? What can I do to keep the relationships running? I know that for some, time and space does not move or sway, or lessen the relationship, but without communication, there is no understanging. And, where are we if there is no understanding?

I must confess that it is I who is lacking contributing with time and effort. I know that I have said this bfore, but have also failed to perform any substantial actions to better strengthen and build those relationships. And, if these are people who are so close to me, who live jus down the street, who live just a 15 minute drive away.... how will I fare when I am 4,000 kilometeres, a 14 hour plane flight away? It will take that much more time and effort on my part to make up those contributions.

I know that perhaps I am being more worrisome than things really are. I have freinds who I don't see that often, and we can hang out for the weekend (bow)!!

If things do happen... this will be my first time out and away. As in really being on my own.

Let's keep in touch.

there is time....

2009-03-24T22:23:00.002-04:00

I've found the time to post a blog. More like, decided to use my time to post a blog.

Things have been moving! swell!

They are on the improving!

We did a soil lab today, and I think the students enjoyed that portion of the lab. It was probably the most engaging part, because the students got to go 'investigate' the pH of the soil!

I'm also doing a lab tomorrow. Acid Rain, and planting seeds. I really hope that things work out!
*fingers crossed*

Planning

2009-03-18T15:20:00.002-04:00

Is training!

Definitely a way that helps me stay focused and on task. Only, some parts are easier than others. Of course, there's no free lunch. And, i do think that what i put into it, is what i will get out of it.

Let the planning marathon continue!

i need hearts!!!

2009-03-17T18:19:00.001-04:00

Anyone know where I can find cow, pig, sheep hearts?

oh, how we try for education.

away from home?

2009-03-16T11:13:00.004-04:00

as in, many, many miles away?

think I could do that? Perhaps for a new experience or for the prospects of having a job...

the job hunt does continue, and how far am I willing ot go to have my hands on one?

It is possible that I will have an offer to work overseas.

It's time for me to really consider.

meeting someone new

2009-03-10T18:21:00.006-04:00

So, I've me someone new, someone that I've never come across before in my life.

Someone, that I think carries with them a lot of experiences, humiliation, roughness, being scorned and of course to be who they are, they are tough.

she's really tall. gets clothes from tall girls.

somehow, i feel that i admire her and at the same time, have a whole surge of other feelings... pity? sadness? wanting to reach out and share a bit of my heart?

I'm not too sure.

Today was a really good day. I had a chance to have somewhat of a heart-to-heart talk with my teach. Having faith, and having a purpose. For the little smaller things to count more than the huge grand ending/grand purpose.

And most of all, i thank you.
You helped me get through my roughest days. Adding on that bit of oil that i need to smoothen out the rough patches. You remind me that this is a practice session, and well, in order to practice, of course i need to make mistakes, and i need to learn from them!
I know that i need to look at failure in a positive light. And, of course, if I don't fail, how can i learn? If I don't think that I'm not doing well, how can I actually improve?

And, another thing: for me to take the time to realize what I really enjoy doing, what I really want to do in life. I want to become more than I already am. I want to get off my lazy ass and become that person who is responsible and lives up to my expectations.

Anyways, needt o get back to work. ciao.

a few quotes

2009-03-09T20:56:00.002-04:00

Right now, these quotes are so heart warming:

"you need to add oil.

both figurtively and actually

there is no rough patch which some good old WD40 can't smoothen.

tigres are the king of the forests. don't get scared of the little bunnies"
-Lz
09.03.09

"Tests alone can't evaluate teachers."

(Gerald Bracey, researcher/writer in education matters)

"Correction does much, but encouragement does more."

(Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe)

"Never fail to know that if you are doing all the talking, you are boring somebody."

(Helen Gurley Brown) [From Sanderson Smith, via Rex Boggs]

"To succeed, you must first improve; to improve, you must first practice; to practice, you must first learn; to learn, you must first fail"

(Wesley Woo) [From Sanderson Smith, via Rex Boggs and Jonathan Lundell]

"Fail again. Fail better."

(Jonathan Lundell)

---------
Most of these quotes just cut straight to the chase, right through to the heart.

Learning encouragement. I want to learn encouragement.

Giving second chances. If I believe in giving second chances, then I must act it.

day one

2009-03-02T23:07:00.001-05:00

So, today was my first day....

it was exhausting....

hope for a new day!!

Sea shells by the Seashore

2009-02-27T00:06:00.003-05:00

I needed some sort of Paint Program to help me edit a diagram I found on the Internets for a class. I wanted to blank out the words .... And, well... Mac's don't have a microsoft Paint equivalent built into/installed on the machine so i did some hunting.

I stumbled across a blog that mentioned a few programs and after looking at the screen shots of a few: Tux Paint (for children), Pixen, Artrage, I decided on: Seashore.

And, it's pretty cool!! ^^

here's the link: http://seashore.sourceforge.net/

And, I should be nice and thank Mathieu for the advice.

Children's Books

2009-02-24T20:50:00.002-05:00

A Voweller's Bestiary

This book is an amazingly wonderful book full of lippograms.

The uniqueness of the book is that the poems are based on the different combinations of vowels.

There are 32 different combinations available by 5 vowels (order doesn't matter). What the author, Jonarno Lawson, has done is that each word in each poem will contain the combination.

For example, in the poem that has the combination: o, a and u
all the words in this poem will have the vowels: o, a and u.

in addition to this, each poem is based on a particular animal, hence, the 'bestiary'.

the title of the poem that contains: o, a and u is

Orangutans, Toucans

glamorous toucans
outsoar coucals

so i'll give you the first 2 lines of the poem.

This is just facinating! And, many thanks to my Mathematics Instructor for this amazing idea. There are so many connections that can be made form this book. Such as, connecting poetry to mathematics. And connecting poetry to ecology and the investigation of animals!

one thing off my list

2009-02-23T22:23:00.004-05:00

This is a great way to express thyself.

now i realize why i have time to be here on this blog and rite about these things - I'm living alone!!!

Anyways, I am done my biology assignment. And, to my slight disappointment, it's not as 'great' as it could be... but heck, given the time and the time that i'm willing (or not) to invest into it. it is what it is.

My time will be spent towards trying to get my foot into the Ministry to Education.

Good luck to me!

hard to concentrate....

2009-02-23T20:21:00.003-05:00

HI!!!!!!

IT'S REALLY HARD TO CONCENTRATE..... cos, i have ants in my pants. I feel so jittery and jumpy.

I have an assignment due to tomorrow... but i also have more important things that are due... such as writing samples for ministries who 'might' hire me... and that is EXCITING!!!!

job application forms to send of..... acck!

lost and found

2009-02-23T17:53:00.003-05:00

i was stressing over my lost tigger... oh where could he be? i looked everywhere for him... in the drawers, on the bed, under the covers, on top of the drawers, inside the show boxes...

he was nowhere to be found!

and then, i decided to lift up my mattress and the piece of ply wood...

and there he was -- hiding!!!!

tigger has been a very bad boy! He's been in the dark for such a long time!! It's good to have him back! I had to give him lots of pats (spanks) to rid him of all the dust that he must collected.

that's another weight of my chest.

have a few assignments i need to work on...
i'm hoping to get them done......

Teaching in Singapore...

2009-02-21T22:16:00.004-05:00

This has ben a topic that's come up between Chris and I, and I do find the prospects of it quite appealing.

See, Singapore is like a hub - the central location of all the SouthEast Asian countries: Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Indonesia, Malaysia, Laos, Philippines... and Wikipedia has taught me that there are a few more countries that are there (which I don't know of: Timor, Brunei and Myanmar). And then, it's so close to Japan, Korea and Hong Kong. It'll be a great place to be to travel. Sighhhh. Travel... Now, the question is: will working in Singapore give me enough money to travel?

I suppose I will find out. There's an information session on Monday given by the Ministry of Singapore. I'm interested. I'm not sure if I'll be jetting this year, but we'll see what happens. Really, it's not on my 'to do list' right now, but it's definitely something that I will consider... if someone goes with me! ^^

And, if we can go together, it will be such a great experience.

ON.. What Teachers Make.

2009-02-19T17:19:00.003-05:00

missyau posted a video of this a while ago, and being back at a school has brought this poem to the forefront of my mind.

It's called 'what teachers make' written by Taylor Mali (a teacher in the states).

A link to his poem is: http://www.taylormali.com/index.cfm?webid=13

He also has a youtube video of him reciting it.. i highly recommend it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxsOVK4syxU

I don't know how to embed a video... and if you know, leave a comment.

it is i...

2009-02-18T18:09:00.004-05:00

perhaps it is i, who has caused you most pain.
i who has hurt you the most.

my heart grieves. what has been done cannot be undone.
what has passed by, we can no longer go back to grasp.

my heart is dying.
suffocating, perhaps.

turn to ashes.

what is there that I can do to make things better?
i am not sure that there is anything that i can do.
not sure if anything that i do do will make a difference.

because i cannot undo what i have already done.
we can not relive what we have already lived.

it is too bad. too bad.
yet the word bad does not describe the least magnitude of how i feel.
i wonder how you feel.

it is horrid. to live in this state.
to perpetually think of these things.

nothing we do in the future will subside those of the past.
nothing we attempt in the future will repress, wash over, cover and go over
what has come of the past.

and those were my actions.
those were my thoughts.
those were the actions that i did out of impulse.

and so, i will pay the consequences.
and i have paid. yet it is not enough.
i will continue to pay, dearly.

edit:
sorry i made you worry!!!! ^^
I'm alright, really! (yah, yah, i know you don't believe me).
But thanks for your comforts!

ah...

2009-02-18T13:05:00.002-05:00

yes, the need to survive.

the need to provide myself with the basic necessities of Maslow's Triangle.

I will continue on.

it is a positive sign. i must put in the effort and time to complete that which i think is most difficult.

Mega Armour in Action!!

2009-02-16T20:30:00.003-05:00

So, I've finished painting and decorating my big, bad, green Mega Armour dudes!!!

I seriously need to get a camera of some sort.

Oh, and i also painted a few of those burna boyz.

spent the Family Day, well, with family! we playeded a few games together...

other than that, i feel really.. 'meh' i've been in the house all day. Perhaps I what i feel is all the pent up energy from not doing anything. and, that's translating into being tired and sleep and a bit grumpy...

one more thing: getting a moon cup has resurfaced my mind again... ^^

my lack of writing

2009-02-12T21:21:00.005-05:00

yes, fei is right.

I have been writing very infrequently. perhaps i should blog more to keep you posted (you as in YOU, reader!!!).

And, thus i shall. Let's try this...

oh darn.. need to write another cover letter. will resume blogging asap....

btw, fei - i like the layout of your blog - and the header picture. ^^

edit:

okay, so back to my update... i finished an assignment for my educational psychology class. It was quite fun writing it. Right now, I'm reading a book called: "Three wishes: Palestinian and Israeli children Speak - Deborah Ellis". I"ll have some review questions to answer in response to the book. The book is quite interesting. It's pretty much a compilation of interviews with Palestinian and Israeli children, alternating between the two ethnic groups. They talk abotu their experiences, their life in Israel. It's pretty chaotic. With the war, guards, soldiers, bombings.

I'm also working on my Ork Army!

I've gotten a lot of new additions! I took a few pictures on my one and only existing camera that i can upload to a computer: my iphone cam. I'll get them transferred another time and show them of later.

night!

need more painting

2009-01-29T09:26:00.003-05:00

Now that i've got one resume submitted...

i need to start working on my next set.

And, i miss painting!!! Speaking of which, i should get one of those 'fishing' boxes to sort all the bits and pieces that i have from my Ork army.

Yes, i should post a picture of my work one day....

I still have:
- 5 burna boyz to finish painting
-20 ork boyz, 1 killa kan, to assemble, prime & paint
-5 mega armored nobz to 'deal' with. See, i painted 4 of them previously, and have decided that I don't like the way i painted them. They yellow too bright, etc. etc. plainly put: i didn't put much effort into painting them, and it shows on the models. These metal models need to be stripped of the paint. We got some paint thinner form Home Depot... but it's not working.... hmm.. i think we need to go some other sort of 'thinner'.
-20 shoota boyz to touch up
-and ALL my bases to paint!!! (and this is for about another 25 models in addition to the ones above)

That's a LOT of work!!
Hopefully, i'll be able to get some painting done over the weekend.

ms. stress ball

2009-01-24T15:52:00.002-05:00

So, here i am sitting.

the things we learned in my psych ed class are just racing thorough my mind as I think about myself and the amount of effort i am putting into this cover letter business.

The thing about being praised of 'being smart' or a 'natural', a 'talent', 'intelligent'... opposed to being praised ' you worked hard' or 'good work' or 'you tried very hard'. Studies show that students who were praised 'you're smart, etc' were less likely to want challenges and were less likely to thrive and be resistant to setbacks than students who were praised for their hard/good work. The reasoning behind this is those who were priased of being a natural talent or are intelligent believe that they have something to live up to.. that they need to continue to have such a performance.

Am i feeling that now. You see, if i need to put A LOT of effort into something, doesn't that mean that I am not smart enough, because i need to put SO much effort into it? Or, if i put effort into something, and it's not good, or the results that come from it do not demonstrate that i am indeed 'intelligent, or am a talent, or that i am smart', then I am not living up to what I have been praised for: being smart. So if i am not smart... what am i?

No, no.. there's no way that i could be stupid....

and, this goes on and on.

so, i suppose that i believe i am smart, and that i am capable. Now then, why is it so damn difficult? I feel that I am putting in a lot of effort, and i am definitely putting in a lot of time. why am i not getting any results? am i realy not trying hard enough? I think that's it's not posible that i'm stupid... so, i just give up. because, putting any more effort.. is too much effort for my 'intelligent' self to exert. It's just better to self-handicap than to have to face any evidence that will support 'i am not intelligent or capable'.

i don't know which is more breaking: the realization that I am not succeeding, or the realization that i have such a mode of thought. Either way, the facts aren't good.

damn it.

well, enough of this.

I need to work on my applications.

gaming

2009-01-06T09:43:00.000-05:00

a 23 dollar box of models.... has an entertainment duration of about 8 - 10 hours.

hmmm.

interesting thought.

Wall.E

2009-01-06T09:37:00.003-05:00

is so cute!

And, i have my walle!! ^^ It's in my head!!

I feel homesick, except the 'sick'ness is not for home. I miss kissy! a lot. I think i've become a bit reliant. and, that is a gross understatement.

you know, when you get this pit in your tummy/gut, or heart (but it feels lower than the heart, more like the stomach) ... and then your head thinks of a single entitiy. And, you associate the pit with the entity. Well, that's what's happening. 'cept the entity isn't 'home'.

and, i'm worried. I think i double booked. I thought I'm going to ski trip ealier this friday, but I just put the two-and two together, that i am supposed to meet with student friday afternoon.
so, i called them asking if they want to move it to wednesday. let's cross our fingers and hope that she's free on wed.

otherwise, i'll have to stay in T.O. until 430pm. and, that means all the other people will need to stay too? Or, i could try to do something else, like go over to their house on an evening.

oh der.. this is going to be ugly. methinks.

self-doubt

2009-01-02T03:14:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, i just doubt.

And all these thoughts come rushing to my head.

sometimes, i'm too scared to put it up here. I want you, who i've asked to read this to read this... and to know this.. and all th things that are runniing through my head.

but, i'm scared of people who might get their eyes on this. And, that's holding me back.

Interview with the vampire

2008-12-27T21:31:00.002-05:00

this is a book that i started reading earlier this year. In september. I borrowed the book for 2 weeks. Then renewed it for another 2 weeks. It turned out that over the loan period, I wasn't able to finish the book. I was perhaps about 1/2 way through the book at most.

Tonight, i watched Interview with the Vampire. Watching it was very interesting after having read a part of it. I need to admit that seeing a motion picture unfold in front of your eyes is much faster and more enticing than reading 400pages of words. None the less, i do not underestimate the value of a good read. I much prefer to read and enjoy the book prior to watching the movie.

I liked being able to pick out the things they included in the movie, and the things they decided to leave out. And, the think of the differences in the way they represented the vampires, the people. They left out the entire section of Louis' neighbour, when she tells her and then leaves the city/town.

Watching the rest of the 'book' in the form of a movie was a great filler - to help me finally bring an ending to the story.

Interesting. Very.

To reccommend

2008-12-27T15:56:00.002-05:00

I finished the Rape of Nanking on my plane ride back to Toronto.

The book was horrifying, heart-breaking, grief-striking... yet so powerful. brings to light the endurance of suffering that has been silent for more than half a century.

I can't believe that I didn't read this earlier, yet I am happy that I've read it and am a littlemore knowledgeable about my own people.

I recommend this book to you if you are interested in history, especially silenced history. I recommend this book to you if you are of japanese decent, to learn of what your government did, and what they did not do. I recommend this book to you if you are of chinese decent - it brings a very different perspective (being a north american raised chinese, it certainly brought a different view). and finally, even if none of the above applies to you, this book is a great read.
I'm not a big fan of history, but this book carries with it so much more than mere history. I really like how Chang writes. But, do be prepared, the contents are gripping and horrifying.

Thank you for reccommending this book for me to read.

Back from "VEGAS BABY!"

2008-12-27T01:05:00.002-05:00

Spent the last 5 days with family in the "fabulous" Las Begas.

The STRIP is so pretty, especially in the night-time. I couldn't stop thinking of chris and how he might love to take shots of the city. Some of the architechture. but, then again, i think he's more of a scenery guy. And in the case the Grand Canyon wuld probably be better.

And, the Grand Canyon we went to also. And, wow.. when we got there, it so so darn snowy. he fog was so thick, we couldn't see a damn thing.

We went to the South Rim of the Canyon, where it's supposed to be more scenic. A good 4.5 hour drive in the thicket of the snow, and with people driving at turtle speed. It was endurable for me. I slept most of the way, and by most, i mean about 95% of the ride. What else was there for me to do?! I opened my eyes to eat and pee. no poops in Mickey D's washroom.

It was good, i watched a few shows. LE REVE is a must see!! It's so damn good! I didn't really ge the story, but that's okay. I the stunts and acobatics, the use of lighting and the stage made up for it all. I watched the Blue Man Group 2 nights before Le Reve, and i'd have to say, Le Reve - hands down. It is a different type of show, but the buck for the bang was definitely le reve.
you get to see 3 shows in one for le reve. You get comedy, acrobatics and aquatic shows ll in one. There's no much theatre, but there wasn't much of that in the blue man show either.

The blue man you get ots of musical stuff - their musical stunts were really really good. and they were pretty darn funny. they were entertaining, but i can't help but say this for the thousandth time, Le Reve smoked SMOKED the Blue Men, in my little teeney beeety point of view.

So many roulette, 3 car poker, poker, black jack, tables and slot machines i walked by. but, not a single penny was spent. And, wished I played roulette! For me, placing a bet is based on luck. and my gut. I don't understand probability in the sense of a ball and a spinning wheel with numbers on it. and, i don't understand how people can say that it's more likely to stop on a red, because that's the pattern. Well, that pttern was there? it was: bbbb rr bb r b r b ...
and a guy placed the bet on a black, it was black. i placed the next bet (in my mind) on a red. and it was a red.

It just doens't make sense to me.. how people can say that a certain number is more of less likely to be the number that the white ball lands on... it's a matter of probability, the force that the ball is whipped into the wheel, the timing, speed and location that the ball hits the wheel at.. and well, whenever it decides to slow down and drop into a slot. to my simple mind, it's 1 in 38 chance for a single number, but apparently, i'm incorrect.

but, i think it's futile to try to explain it to me now.

i'm getting a bit sleepy - that might explain the non-coherence and scatteredness of this post. perhaps i'll continue this at a later time?

anyways, what i do want to end with is: I WANT TO GO BACK TO VEGAS!

The Rape of NANKING

2008-12-17T17:25:00.002-05:00

I'm beginning to read this book.
I've just read the Introduction, and I don't know what to feel.

It's painful.

And, i recall reading parts of Iris Chang (the author's) suicide notes from wikipedi.com - how she says that she thinks the CIA are following her. Considering how political this event is - Japan's denial of the event...

And, if we think for a minute - why has this massacre been so silent? Why do i not even know of this massacre? I believe that many westerners don't know about this massacre. I wonder if the Chinese curriculum teach this. More importantly, and sadly (and this is the political part), the Japanese curriculum does not include it.

They, unlike the germans, do not apologize for their actions (ruthless and brutal - much worse than gas chambers). They do not even ACKNOWLEDGE it. They DENY it.

And, this angers me.

It make me ask - why do we only learn about the Holocaust? Why do we not learn about the 20-40 million Russians that died, or the 13-20million Chinese that die during the WW2? Why do we only look at the jewish people that died?

Is it because it's European? And, being in a "European colony" that is what we learn about?
Unfortunately, yet seemingly so true, it seems that everything is so political.

I am grateful for Iris Chang, for her realization, her courage and her passion to bring the victims of the Rape of Nanking to shine a bit of light. If only any of these killings, and their sheer brutality, their humiliation and horrific-ness were brought to light as much as the holocaust, it would help the victims, who many of which are here no more, and bring their silenced suffering out of the closet. But even then, will the political world acknowledge it? Will the Japanese be willing to admit their doings to trying to erase their terrifying and horrible acts? Will they be willing to be shamed and apologize?

Perhaps it will take the falling of the sky for that to happen.

Damn, it's sad that Iris is gone.
I wish she were here to continue to advocacy of the silenced Chinese.
And, it makes it so damn emotional that these are my people. This is a part of my history.

An untold history, the forgotten and silenced history.

I hope that it will not be for me.

self-inflicted stress

2008-12-16T23:29:00.003-05:00

And, this is life.

It's the time for applications - and a previous graduate from the B.Ed program is right. There are 'spurts' of things that happen. November was practicum, and decemeber was handing in assignments and conferences. Now, January is job application/employment race.

And, I think I'm letting it get to my head. It's getting to me. And, I'm feeling the stress/heat of it.

I also found out that i'm quite good at self-bashing, i need to improve that.

time for some dog talk

2008-12-12T01:24:00.002-05:00

chris sent me a link to GIANT DOGS:

http://www.dogbiz.com/giant-dog-breeds.html

and... these dogs are huge! ^^

I like the Hungarian Kuvasz dog. Independent, grand, but perhaps not really the kind of dog for me.

It sparked my interest in going to another site to do a little quiz about the dog that might best suit my criteria. I added: i am willing to groom once a month.

And, the Berger de Picard was one of them.

We had a slight discussion about the health issues that dogs were prone too - and th Picard seems to be prone to quite a few (the effects of inbreeding....)

There dogs don't seems to have that many health issues:

Chinese Chongqing Dog
Siberian Husky
Alaskan Malamute

Oh, the alaskan malamute, so beautiful!
but, i do think that the chinese dog, it's temperament and grooming needs (or, lack of!!), fit my lifestyle a little more.

They're so stubbbbbby. They're not too big. I'd like a bigger dog, but unless i breed an animal that has all those traits, i ain't gonna find one that has all the things that i want!
the chiense dog... is doable. i just don't know how i'll be able to find one in Canada....

idiot

2008-12-04T00:35:00.001-05:00

i am such an idiot!!!! *frustrated gurgling noises*

how can i be so impulsive, and act on such an emotional basis? And, in the end, what ends up happening? I end up apologizing and taking the blame for something that is probably not even my fault. And, if someone wants to attribute it to me.. that's shouldn't be my 'issue' that i should deal with personally.

Although, here's the thing - it's difficult to separate the personal from the professional. Which is which? is it personal, or is is professional. Do i leave it alone or what?

Why the heck did i apologize?
I did it becaus i felt sorry - and i felt pressurized into thinking that i did something wrong. I felt an obligation to be apologetic. Lady Lo, something's wrong here.

someone needs a head check.

reflecting

2008-12-04T00:13:00.002-05:00

it is during these times that i find i learn the most.
it is during these moments that thoughts of meaning seep through the millions of layers of plywood that's wedged between my ears.

And, even then, i do not completely understand or grasp the concept that I've "contemplated".

a sense of .... homesickness?

2008-11-24T22:15:00.002-05:00

I miss my family.

it's been a while since I've had this feeling, but I miss their presence.

I don't miss a lot of things, but just in this moment when my guard is down, when I'm leeting my emotions get to me (and i know I am), I miss them really bad. I want to hug my tigger, and my pooh bear. and snuggle them until I fall asleep.

that sounds like a good plan.

1/2 way there..

2008-11-09T23:00:00.001-05:00

I haven't been blogging much, and I think that's a manifestation of my err.. 'regular' habits. Which is, I don't really have one.

Anywho, it's the half-way mark. I'm half-way there.

And, there's no way that I can do this next time round. Lots of 'cutting' to do. It's sad, but gotta do what i gotta do.

middle of the middle

2008-11-04T22:56:00.002-05:00

it's good to be weird.

to be a bit wacked sometimes. to show that you're strange. And, that you're you.

Not someone trying ot be someone else, but to be.

just be.

i feel so happy that my mentor, can just be. and just live.

it's great. i cannot put my finger on what it is, what factor, what essence, but i cannot deny that my mentor and how he carries himself has to do with it.

first day

2008-10-21T20:57:00.003-04:00

today was my first day!

And time just flies by!

I cannot believe how exhausted I was when I got home. I came home, ate dinner, went back to my room, and fell asleep. Of course, setting my alarm clock first!!

Good thing I did though!

This is great! I'm looking forward to it!

At that same time as I want to say: "i can't wait til it's my turn!", I feel nervous about it, and am not so sure that I want to say it!

Orks mean Business

2008-10-17T20:34:00.003-04:00

These big bad boyz mean business! They're huge, ugly (actually, I think they're kinda cute), and carry so much stuff!

I think they're going to be fun!

My colleagues tell me that I shouldn't be picking up a hobby at this time of my life. Ha!

Big Mek - isn't it so cute?!?! It's so small - teeny tiny (to me), and the stuff it carries is soo big!!

Little robot! So cute! The're so 'old-age'. The things they use are not 'not' high-tech!!! I love it!
These guys are called 'war bosses'. They're bigger, and badder.

see, told ya they were cute!

A New Hobby?

2008-10-16T22:56:00.003-04:00

This is what I didn't tell you about:

During my trip, I went to a store called: Games Workshop.

First time I played a Warhammer game - I played the fantasy one. And, the first time I painted a little model! they're so small and teeny tiny! It was a lot of fun. Time passes by way too fast when you're concentrated on painting.

And, last night, was the first time I got my very own starter kit. Chris is so sweet. he surprised me.. triple time. it's actually quadruple time. 1) He showed up where I was 2) He got me a model 3) he got me a kit to paint the model 4) he got me a book about the space marines so I could find/learn more about them!

Today was also the first time I visited the Games Workshop in Toronto.
I got 2 models (that came with a magazine). White I was at the store, I picked up this wolf-looking creature. (I learned that it was part of the Vampire package) and, guess what? I got to keep it! ^^

I just opened my starter kit. I want to paint, but I want Chris to paint with me.

So, i'm going to wait until we get a few more brushes :P

Enemy at the Gates and Truman Show

2008-10-08T13:08:00.002-04:00

So yes, I have been watching movies with Chris.

But, these movies I watched about 2 weeks ago. didn't get around to writing about them!

Both of them were terrific!!!!

Enemy at the gates is about war between Russia and Germany. It's a great movie about power, friendship, loyalty, and skill.

The Truman show. It exactly as it's pronounced. Not to worry if you don't know what I'm talking about. Once you see the movie, you'll get the pun. :P Great acting and very.. interesting yet disturbing concept. really neat idea.

time flies

2008-10-06T00:24:00.001-04:00

We're already going into the first week of October. time flies.

will talk later about trip.

night.

Yoga and Meditation

2008-10-01T19:50:00.002-04:00

I'm new to this. And, apparently, not very good at keeping up the practice.

I should set aside a time, and schedule it in, says my instructor - so when the time comes, there is no chance for a conversation of "i can't do this because...."

I guess I'll go do that.

Safe School's Conference

2008-09-27T17:21:00.002-04:00

Home from the Safe School's Conference.

It was definitely my first speaking in front of 500 colleagues, and it was a great experience.

The conference, especially the play really brought to my attention and awareness of what is happening. Of the issues that are involved in our schools today.

Letting Go

2008-09-26T09:08:00.003-04:00

... is truly one of the extremely difficult things for me to do. I've recently found that everything revolves around everything. Things are all tied and inter-connected, inter-related.

There is something that I thought I'd let go of, gotten over, and moved on - somehow still bug me. And, it torments me. It's staggeringly painful. It cuts through the heart. Perhaps its this manifestation and realization of truth that is taking me aback.

I've lost a lot of opportunities, made sacrifices that I did not plan nor prepare to make. But truth and fact are, it's happened. What is so difficult about this is acceptance. The ripples of effects travel far - like butterfly wings. They create a hurricane 2000 miles east.

It's not often. But when things become this clear, it's devastating to the heart.

Night at the Museum

2008-09-18T23:30:00.002-04:00

I just finished watching Night at the Museum. Yes, I'm watching it 2 years after it came out... It gives me such a nostalgia for Jumanji, which Robin William also starred in.
I didn't know that Robin Williams was in Night at the Museum!!! I might have watched it before. See, I found this much more entertaining than Tropic Thunder (a Ben Stiller movie). Though, speaking of Ben Stiller, I still think the Parent series (Meet the Parents, Meet the Fockers) is hilarious.

Anyways, my movie review: i loved the ending.
This movie served it's purpose - it made me laugh, and made me feel 'lighter', in the emotional sense.

Now, it's bedtime!

Leon The Professional - 1994

2008-09-14T19:11:00.004-04:00

I watched a movie with Chris, and oh my goodness, I can't believe I'm missing out on so much!!

Highly recommended.

Natalie Portman's in this movie. You know the girl from V for Vendetta? Speaking of that movie, I want to watch V again.

Really, watch Leon. It's worth your time.

Okay, a little bit about the movie:

An assassinator.

Talking to Tom

2008-09-05T16:18:00.003-04:00

I just got home from my one point seven-five hour long appointment slash consultation with my orthodontist and said assistants and staff members. Goodness, having braces without insurance is pretty damn expensive.

Anyways, pulling up around the corner of my home, I saw someone walking two meduim-large dogs. One looked like a boxer - I noticed because it was jumping up and down, trying to get something from the walker's hand. I quickly parked my car and walked out to meet the dog-walker. His name is Tom, and the two dogs he was walking was Rocky, a brown with black pattern Boxer, and Bailey, a Siberian Husky mixed with an unknown. They were so cute! I want to play with them! And run with them! Too bad I was wearing sandals. Can't walk fast.

Anyways, I said that those two dogs were something that I'm interested in owning. He quickly asked me if I just wanted a dog because I liked dogs, or if I was particular about the breed. My response was: I'm not interested in Toy dogs, or smaller breeds. I like larger dogs. I found out why he made that comment. It turns out that Rocky (the Boxer) drools A LOT. And Bailey (the Husky mix) sheds a TON. And, I learned something new today: The Husky's hair gathers in clumps like dust on the floor, so you can just vacuum and whisk it up. The Boxer's hair, however, just sticks to things and sticks UP. You really need to work at it with the vacuum to get it. Tom said that if he could choose again (i.e. if he'd had known that the Boxer made such a mess and disaster), he'd choose a Doodle. I didn't know that Poodles, or anything like them don't shed that much. And, they don't smell as much too. I don't know, I'm not too into Poodles - the curls, they kind of freak me out.

And that, so far, is the highlight of my day.

Actually, I shouldn't say that. I had quite an interesting discussion with Julius and Daniel, a young Rev., about some topics. Those were quite interesting. Insightful. He provided a method/way of thinking about Christian views/concepts that I never thought of before.
Interesting.

bright and sunny

2008-09-04T16:46:00.002-04:00

today's bright and sunny. I feel bright and sunny!
I'm excited nad pumped up for my program!! It's going to be ooodles of hard, hard work, and fun!
I suppose, fun in the sense that its' as fun as i make it... which, might actually not be that fun - you see, i'm not creative as i think. But, fun in that I hope it will be rewarding.

And, since there's sun, there's also rain. well, in our atmosphere at least.
But, the rainy days go away, and the sun comes back eventually.

On another tangent of my scatter-brain: I should really persuade my mom to get a dog.
A smart, affectionate medium to large-sized dog. Of course, she'll hate all that fur at first, but I think she'll LOVE the rewards of affection that her pet will give her. And then, I can play with her pet! yay!! Like, a smart border collie! I'l tech it new tricks, and not have to pick up its poop. What a great scheme!!! Now, to go work clonky brain, and think up a hat full of wonderful reasons WHY she should get a pet and take care of it.
I think a really good reason is: It will obey and do what you ask. (of course I don't include: as long as you have some sort of edible material as a reward)

small burst

2008-09-03T20:38:00.003-04:00

i have a tiny burst of anger, and I want ot express it. Hopefully, it won't grow to become a gigantic burst of anger.

Sometimes, I just feel so hopeless and helpless. When a stranger is rude toward you, you can just ignore them, or be rude back to them. Sometimes I've done the latter, but now, I'd lean more to doing the former.
However, when that inconsiderate person is your family member, and you don't want relations to sour, what can you do? Tell them politely how they are being an inconsiderate, rude-ass jerk, and then suck it up. There is no point in letting out your anger upon them, and stoning them with your wrath, because what good will that do? None. And, what good will my telling them that they are being an inconsiderate jerk do? Sadly, nothing as well. It does nothing. If I don't say anything, they have no means of learning that whatever they did is inappropriate. If I say something, it's likely that they won't listen to me. To say, or not to say. That definitely is the question. Of course, me being my impulsive self wants to yell at them at the top of my lungs and really show them how darn right idiotic they've been. And, I try hard, very hard, not to raise my voice. Because, it never accomplishes anything.

So, here I am feeling frustrated (although not so much right now) that whatever I do doesn't help, doesn't change a damn thing.

Visiting sis in Guelf

2008-09-02T13:12:00.004-04:00

I made a trip to Guelf the other day - sorry, didn't take any cameras (though, I did use the iPhone camera) - with Chris to visit Mars.

It turns out that there are many animals at the place the she lives in! She has 2 ferrets. But, there's a cat, and a dog.

And, I must say that I loved playing with the dog. It's a Border Collie!
And, it was smart. He understood commands, and Chris taught it to give him his paw using the chinese 'hand hand' command. It was great!! My first time playing with a Border Collie.

So smart!!! I want a Border Collie now!

And, my first time going to guelf. small, small town.

post 100: Moving In

2008-08-31T12:19:00.001-04:00

So, I'm moving to downtown today.

Residence life. Makes me wonder what it will be like, sort-of reliving myself 5 years ago.
Strange.
Yet, hopefully wonderful.
And, completely different.

School's about to start...

ANd, i'm thrilled!

Managing Money

2008-08-29T10:37:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, as I browsed the Personal Finance section of the stacks at my local community library, I came across a books called "Women and Money". I really didn't think much of it, the cover wasn't that appealing, but I picked it up, opened it, read the inside cover and decided that although I didn't like the cover, this might just be a book that i need.

And, it turns out to be a gem.

Suze Orman writing about "Women and Money", it's incredible. I don't know how to describe it. I'm thankful and grateful that I can read what my love has been trying to teach me. It seems to be like a more overt version of the necessary skills that I need to be learning.

It's also a great read. Not academic, and conversation-like. Perhaps more of an 'easy' than a 'great'. :P