Now that i've got one resume submitted...
i need to start working on my next set.
And, i miss painting!!! Speaking of which, i should get one of those 'fishing' boxes to sort all the bits and pieces that i have from my Ork army.
Yes, i should post a picture of my work one day....
I still have:
- 5 burna boyz to finish painting
-20 ork boyz, 1 killa kan, to assemble, prime & paint
-5 mega armored nobz to 'deal' with. See, i painted 4 of them previously, and have decided that I don't like the way i painted them. They yellow too bright, etc. etc. plainly put: i didn't put much effort into painting them, and it shows on the models. These metal models need to be stripped of the paint. We got some paint thinner form Home Depot... but it's not working.... hmm.. i think we need to go some other sort of 'thinner'.
-20 shoota boyz to touch up
-and ALL my bases to paint!!! (and this is for about another 25 models in addition to the ones above)
That's a LOT of work!!
Hopefully, i'll be able to get some painting done over the weekend.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
ms. stress ball
So, here i am sitting.
the things we learned in my psych ed class are just racing thorough my mind as I think about myself and the amount of effort i am putting into this cover letter business.
The thing about being praised of 'being smart' or a 'natural', a 'talent', 'intelligent'... opposed to being praised ' you worked hard' or 'good work' or 'you tried very hard'. Studies show that students who were praised 'you're smart, etc' were less likely to want challenges and were less likely to thrive and be resistant to setbacks than students who were praised for their hard/good work. The reasoning behind this is those who were priased of being a natural talent or are intelligent believe that they have something to live up to.. that they need to continue to have such a performance.
Am i feeling that now. You see, if i need to put A LOT of effort into something, doesn't that mean that I am not smart enough, because i need to put SO much effort into it? Or, if i put effort into something, and it's not good, or the results that come from it do not demonstrate that i am indeed 'intelligent, or am a talent, or that i am smart', then I am not living up to what I have been praised for: being smart. So if i am not smart... what am i?
No, no.. there's no way that i could be stupid....
and, this goes on and on.
so, i suppose that i believe i am smart, and that i am capable. Now then, why is it so damn difficult? I feel that I am putting in a lot of effort, and i am definitely putting in a lot of time. why am i not getting any results? am i realy not trying hard enough? I think that's it's not posible that i'm stupid... so, i just give up. because, putting any more effort.. is too much effort for my 'intelligent' self to exert. It's just better to self-handicap than to have to face any evidence that will support 'i am not intelligent or capable'.
i don't know which is more breaking: the realization that I am not succeeding, or the realization that i have such a mode of thought. Either way, the facts aren't good.
damn it.
well, enough of this.
I need to work on my applications.
the things we learned in my psych ed class are just racing thorough my mind as I think about myself and the amount of effort i am putting into this cover letter business.
The thing about being praised of 'being smart' or a 'natural', a 'talent', 'intelligent'... opposed to being praised ' you worked hard' or 'good work' or 'you tried very hard'. Studies show that students who were praised 'you're smart, etc' were less likely to want challenges and were less likely to thrive and be resistant to setbacks than students who were praised for their hard/good work. The reasoning behind this is those who were priased of being a natural talent or are intelligent believe that they have something to live up to.. that they need to continue to have such a performance.
Am i feeling that now. You see, if i need to put A LOT of effort into something, doesn't that mean that I am not smart enough, because i need to put SO much effort into it? Or, if i put effort into something, and it's not good, or the results that come from it do not demonstrate that i am indeed 'intelligent, or am a talent, or that i am smart', then I am not living up to what I have been praised for: being smart. So if i am not smart... what am i?
No, no.. there's no way that i could be stupid....
and, this goes on and on.
so, i suppose that i believe i am smart, and that i am capable. Now then, why is it so damn difficult? I feel that I am putting in a lot of effort, and i am definitely putting in a lot of time. why am i not getting any results? am i realy not trying hard enough? I think that's it's not posible that i'm stupid... so, i just give up. because, putting any more effort.. is too much effort for my 'intelligent' self to exert. It's just better to self-handicap than to have to face any evidence that will support 'i am not intelligent or capable'.
i don't know which is more breaking: the realization that I am not succeeding, or the realization that i have such a mode of thought. Either way, the facts aren't good.
damn it.
well, enough of this.
I need to work on my applications.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
gaming
a 23 dollar box of models.... has an entertainment duration of about 8 - 10 hours.
hmmm.
interesting thought.
hmmm.
interesting thought.
Wall.E
is so cute!
And, i have my walle!! ^^ It's in my head!!
I feel homesick, except the 'sick'ness is not for home. I miss kissy! a lot. I think i've become a bit reliant. and, that is a gross understatement.
you know, when you get this pit in your tummy/gut, or heart (but it feels lower than the heart, more like the stomach) ... and then your head thinks of a single entitiy. And, you associate the pit with the entity. Well, that's what's happening. 'cept the entity isn't 'home'.
and, i'm worried. I think i double booked. I thought I'm going to ski trip ealier this friday, but I just put the two-and two together, that i am supposed to meet with student friday afternoon.
so, i called them asking if they want to move it to wednesday. let's cross our fingers and hope that she's free on wed.
otherwise, i'll have to stay in T.O. until 430pm. and, that means all the other people will need to stay too? Or, i could try to do something else, like go over to their house on an evening.
oh der.. this is going to be ugly. methinks.
And, i have my walle!! ^^ It's in my head!!
I feel homesick, except the 'sick'ness is not for home. I miss kissy! a lot. I think i've become a bit reliant. and, that is a gross understatement.
you know, when you get this pit in your tummy/gut, or heart (but it feels lower than the heart, more like the stomach) ... and then your head thinks of a single entitiy. And, you associate the pit with the entity. Well, that's what's happening. 'cept the entity isn't 'home'.
and, i'm worried. I think i double booked. I thought I'm going to ski trip ealier this friday, but I just put the two-and two together, that i am supposed to meet with student friday afternoon.
so, i called them asking if they want to move it to wednesday. let's cross our fingers and hope that she's free on wed.
otherwise, i'll have to stay in T.O. until 430pm. and, that means all the other people will need to stay too? Or, i could try to do something else, like go over to their house on an evening.
oh der.. this is going to be ugly. methinks.
Friday, January 2, 2009
self-doubt
Sometimes, i just doubt.
And all these thoughts come rushing to my head.
sometimes, i'm too scared to put it up here. I want you, who i've asked to read this to read this... and to know this.. and all th things that are runniing through my head.
but, i'm scared of people who might get their eyes on this. And, that's holding me back.
And all these thoughts come rushing to my head.
sometimes, i'm too scared to put it up here. I want you, who i've asked to read this to read this... and to know this.. and all th things that are runniing through my head.
but, i'm scared of people who might get their eyes on this. And, that's holding me back.
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