The Red Pill

More recently, I think I've come to realize reality.

The reality of the working world. That this is how much of my time and life it will consume. That I will ne to put in this much, if I want to achieve proportionate amounts.

You see, I never thought that my job included many of the things that I am currently doing. It has been rather difficult for the last six months to try to get used to the culture here. Or, perhaps that was the excuse that I was giving myself. As a newbie on the job, I was lucky and was given only a portion of the responsibilities of that of a regular.

When January rolled around the corner, lo and behold, i was not longer treated as a newbie. With six months under the belt, I was given the full responsibility. And, boy, did that shock, stun and surprise me all at the same time. I felt overwhelmed and flabbergasted with all the responsibilities that were expected of me. Note, not even something that was considered beyond expectations... this was just meeting it.

I know that I've been fighting it. Fighting the different working hours, the holidays that we did/did not get, the different customs, the different responsibilities, etc, etc., etc....

Somewhere ... the red pill dawned on me, subconsciously, perhaps. Somewhere and somehow, I stopped fighting it. I didn't want to feel bitter and bicker about it anymore. I was a bit sick of complaining. I found that I enjoyed myself much more. I put more of myself into doing what I did. Put more thought into planning and executing the things that I'd planned.

the last few weeks have been really crazy. I'm finding it hard to find the energy to study after coming home from a 12,13 hour day at work.

Experienced a lot of first-times this year. My first time preparing a lecture for 800 students. My first time making an announcement in front of 800 students. I must have rehearsed it at least 5 times before going to bed, and another 5 times before presenting it. It was nerve-wracking. It's been a long time since I've felt those pangs of nervousness speaking in public, but after speaking for a few a little while, it seemed so natural. I am happy that it went well.


I think I'm reaching the point where I feel like I'm about to break, but I only find that I don't. Instead, i get stretched. The more I take on, the more I'll be able to take on. it's scary.

I feel like i'm about to burn out, but I find that I don't.

rest is almost around the corner. June is coming.
I can't wait to go home.