As 2009 draws to an end...
Thinking back unto this year. So many things have happened. It seems that drastic changes have taken place with the snap of fingers. Time has flown by, really like the blink of an eye.
I had set out to accomplish several things when I set out on my journey to a country half-way across the world, alone, away from my family and friends. I had made promises to my friends, my loved ones, and myself. I was thinking of evaluating how far I'd come in achieving those goals and promises, but am deciding against doing that. After reading a blog about
keeping new years resolutions, I think i'm going to have a different approach to this resolution setting thing. And thus, not really a need to evaluate my own progress in lieu of the "new year", because my goals have nothing to do with the new year.
I would like to write about an inspiration from Karen Au regarding about how I count my days. It was really something that struck a chord somewhere. To count my days with the connections that I make and break. Thanks for sharing that.
I've also written somewhere before, and more recently, remember talking to someone about the one ting that i've learned. And that this, if I want something, I need to go and
get it. It doesn't necessarily mean snatching or forcefully taking. It does mean I need to be assertive, and at times even a little aggressive in taking action to get what I want done.
Another lesson about 'doing things' that I need to remember is that doing something (even though it might turn out not as great as one would have hoped/wanted) is better than not doing anything at all. I've found that with my numerous encounters with friends and family, my final decision of action ends up being: nothing. I don't take any action because I don't want to make a wrong move, I don't want to make things worse than they already are. I would like to remedy the situation, but I don't know how I can go about ensuring that my actions will really make things better instead of worse. And working within the time constraints (because actions need to be taken within a certain time frame of the event to be effective) is not my strength. Most times, I am slow at thinking of good solutions or actions to take. By the time I come up with a solution, the time to action has already long gone. The end results ends up being the same - that the action is: nothing.
More recently, i've noticed that my inaction speaks louder than my actions. Or at least, I think that they leave a longer lasting impressions. Not necessarily for the better. I think because when i display 'inaction', the message that is received/perceived from the other party is that of apathy, lack of support, that I don't care. I also forget that silence most of the time means silent consent. When I am silent, I am thinking and trying to analyze what the person's just said. I also forget that the person I'm talking to doesn't know this, and I forget to tell them that I'm thinking about what they've just said. I spend a lot of silent moments trying to think of how to express my ideas (or perhaps I might agree with some of your p.o.v, but not entirely). But, I take a bit too long, and the time has passed and we've already moved onto another topic. The person having taken my "silence" as consent to their p.o.v. A wee bit problematic, innit?
The list continues, but it's a bit boring talking about all this social conundrums and how they fit (or don't) into my life. I know that some of my friends would say: Knowing and accepting is the first step. True. now, let's try to take the next step.
I'm looking forward to 2010. Looking forward to learning about life and what it brings. It's as good as we make it, and I'm looking forward to making it a good one, regardless of the ups and downs that it might throw at me. Much easier said than done. But whatever happens, life will go on with or without you. We need to move on.
Posts
