Moulin Rogue

I finally watch this classic love tragedy a decade (probably even longer) later.

I see Nicole Kidman in a different light. She is a beautiful woman. In that movie at least. A wishful, tragic drama. A bit too wishful, and I suppose there were some bits that flowed a little funny, some parts that didn't seem realistic, but an okay drama/musical nonetheless.

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Movies to catch... At some point

Invictus
Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.)
The Informant
Salt (another JOLIE movie! There are a few Jolie ones that I want to see Changeling, Brave Heart)
Alice in Wonderland - mmm, Johnny Depp. There are also a number of this movies that I haven't seen.
The Proposal

To be updated.
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A Merry Christmas

Came home from a very filled Christmas day. I think this is one of the fullest that I've ha, at least from what I can remember.

Lunch Buffet with a good family here in Singapore. They have been so kind, warm and welcoming, long before I even set foot on Singapore soil. I am very grateful and fortunate to have had such lovely hospitality from them. In a land where I know no one, it is very nice to have someone reach out their helping hands to you.

After spending my lunch with the wonderful family, they drove me home and I prepared to set off for my next celebration with the dear friends that I've made in Singapore. Ann Marie invited me to her house for Christmas Dinner. My ignorance did not serve me well. Nor did my bad manners. They were very fine people indeed to embrace the situation despite my ignorance and my bad manners. Big people with big hearts. I am lucky to have these people around me, to support me and be here in Singapore with me. It was a lovely Christmas spent with them indeed. To come to think of it, I think that was one of my first Christmas Dinners where there was turkey, ham and a fully blown meal. Thank you for allowing me to experience that in Singapore.

On my way home, I was greeted by a nice taxi man who wished me a very merry christmas when I stepped into the cab. Very nice way to end the evening.

Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I will head out to the University for my first Chemistry tutorial. I want to learn something and get something from that session, so I will. :)



As 2009 draws to an end, I wonder to myself, what will 2010 bring? One thing that I have learnt, if I want something, I can't still, wait and wish for it to come to me. I need to go out and GET it.

Scissors

Edward Scissorhands. That was Johnny Depp, and that was Winona Ryder - this movie is an oldie. Indeed, a 1990 movie, a good nine years prior to Girl Interrupted (1999) where Winona starred along with Angelina Jolie and Brittany Murphy in another good movie.

Johnny Depp does not cease to amaze me with his talent. I knew it said Johnny Depp on the cover of the DVD, it just didn't seem like him. But then again, neither does it seem like him in Pirates, or the Secret Window, or anything he acts in really. He is one of the actors that I really admire for being able to portray the character so well that we forget the man behind the man we see is Johnny Depp. In Scissorhands, from his speech, to the way he walked, his emotions, and actions. I just couldn't find Johnny or any resemblance of him! Maybe it was the make up, or some sort of synthetic device to change the pitch of his voice, but whatever it was, it fooled me good.

I really need to get my hands on Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. I guess he doesn't leave Scissors, eh?

Welcome 2010

As 2009 draws to an end...

Thinking back unto this year. So many things have happened. It seems that drastic changes have taken place with the snap of fingers. Time has flown by, really like the blink of an eye.

I had set out to accomplish several things when I set out on my journey to a country half-way across the world, alone, away from my family and friends. I had made promises to my friends, my loved ones, and myself. I was thinking of evaluating how far I'd come in achieving those goals and promises, but am deciding against doing that. After reading a blog about keeping new years resolutions, I think i'm going to have a different approach to this resolution setting thing. And thus, not really a need to evaluate my own progress in lieu of the "new year", because my goals have nothing to do with the new year.

I would like to write about an inspiration from Karen Au regarding about how I count my days. It was really something that struck a chord somewhere. To count my days with the connections that I make and break. Thanks for sharing that.

I've also written somewhere before, and more recently, remember talking to someone about the one ting that i've learned. And that this, if I want something, I need to go and get it. It doesn't necessarily mean snatching or forcefully taking. It does mean I need to be assertive, and at times even a little aggressive in taking action to get what I want done.

Another lesson about 'doing things' that I need to remember is that doing something (even though it might turn out not as great as one would have hoped/wanted) is better than not doing anything at all. I've found that with my numerous encounters with friends and family, my final decision of action ends up being: nothing. I don't take any action because I don't want to make a wrong move, I don't want to make things worse than they already are. I would like to remedy the situation, but I don't know how I can go about ensuring that my actions will really make things better instead of worse. And working within the time constraints (because actions need to be taken within a certain time frame of the event to be effective) is not my strength. Most times, I am slow at thinking of good solutions or actions to take. By the time I come up with a solution, the time to action has already long gone. The end results ends up being the same - that the action is: nothing.

More recently, i've noticed that my inaction speaks louder than my actions. Or at least, I think that they leave a longer lasting impressions. Not necessarily for the better. I think because when i display 'inaction', the message that is received/perceived from the other party is that of apathy, lack of support, that I don't care. I also forget that silence most of the time means silent consent. When I am silent, I am thinking and trying to analyze what the person's just said. I also forget that the person I'm talking to doesn't know this, and I forget to tell them that I'm thinking about what they've just said. I spend a lot of silent moments trying to think of how to express my ideas (or perhaps I might agree with some of your p.o.v, but not entirely). But, I take a bit too long, and the time has passed and we've already moved onto another topic. The person having taken my "silence" as consent to their p.o.v. A wee bit problematic, innit?

The list continues, but it's a bit boring talking about all this social conundrums and how they fit (or don't) into my life. I know that some of my friends would say: Knowing and accepting is the first step. True. now, let's try to take the next step.

I'm looking forward to 2010. Looking forward to learning about life and what it brings. It's as good as we make it, and I'm looking forward to making it a good one, regardless of the ups and downs that it might throw at me. Much easier said than done. But whatever happens, life will go on with or without you. We need to move on.

起初的愛心

Found this playing in on my shuffle list.

It hit a chord and resonated with a certain string. 起初的愛心.



尋回起初的愛心


如我的心被冷冰封鎖 我無力關心他人
重記主恩為我竟犧牲 請你重燃我心
回望我主十架中犧牲 我流淚為何忘掉救恩
求你賜恩讓我可更生 重建舊日的愛

重拾信心 尋回起初的愛心
原來主愛未離棄 眷顧我已成就救恩
重建愛心 敬拜我主用盡我心
獻上我一生作活祭 我要以你愛服待人

重拾信心 尋回失落了的心
原來主愛沒嫌棄 挽救我已尋獲永生
重建愛心 敬拜我主用盡我心
獻上我一生作活祭 我要以你愛服侍人

Thanks to Hasan for the Link.
Credits to:
尋回起初的愛心 – 新曙光教會
作曲　　　　　　朱仔
填詞　　　　　　朱仔
主唱　　　　　　鄧婉玲
監製　　　　　　林少聰
錄音　　　　　　鄧婉玲 @ 有聲奶昔

Avatar

I've been wanting to see this movie ever since I saw the trailer back in Hong Kong, and I managed to fulfill that want today.

The 3-D version was a bit hit, and of course with only 1 hour til the show, only the first three rows were available. To my surprise, there was also a 2D playing, and good seats available. Surprising only because I couldn't locate the 2D version of it online.

I also need to mention that this is my first time going to see a movie alone, and I thoroughly enjoyed the show. I laughed laughs and managed to well up a few tears. I really liked it! I think I like it so much that I wouldn't mind going with friends to see the 3D version, provided that we can get seats somewhere remotely within the vicinity of the back of the cinema hall.

I don't want to share too much, but I do recommend this one.

And, while I'm on the topic of movies, I also watched Saw V and Saw VI recently. (Been taking "movie-watching" breaks in between my study sessions). I don't particularly like Saw VI, but Saw V is interesting. None of them match up to any one of the first three, though. As expected. I think the plot gets a bit messy, but you sort of think of yourself as a "fan" because you've seen the first one or two, so you might as well just continue and see what it's all about.

By the way, thankfully, I didn't/ haven't had any nightmares yet. Knock on wood.


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What's going on in Singapore Dec 2009

I started December off by being in Hong Kong. It was really good to be back. My last trip to HK was about a year and a half ago. The purpose of my trip was to visit family and friends, and I'm happy about my trip because those two purposes have been fulfilled. I've come to realize that we are always short on time, but we all only have so much - so, how do we choose to spend it?

I'm going through the loss of a friend, someone who played such a significant role in my life, as a friend, a confidant, a role model, a source of comfort and hope. I've never really experienced this before, and i'm not quite sure how to deal with it. I'm also not sure how to talk about it, but since the underlying purpose of my trip related to this, it felt natural to include it here. The purpose of my trip to HK was to spend time with my grandparents, to be with them while they are still here. Too many a time have I taken for granted and learned not how to cherish. Too many a time I hope there will be no more.

On another note, I have been studying for my MCAT to be written late April next year. Physics has been quite a challenge for me and I've found someone to help me. I am extremely grateful that I happened to find a physics instructor.

Browsing the internet: I've also been reading lifehacker.com quite religiously recently and have been downloading add-ons to my Firefox 3.5. A lot of neat things on that site! I'm also looking to get Windows & for my MacBook, but that might wait until the new year.

Are things...

Really as messed up as they seem?

I mean, I'm not talking about that sort of messed up, but the other sort of messed up.

It's been five months now, and have I fulfilled or achieved my goals? Any of them?

truth be told. no. i hope that it's a 'not yet'.

Wake Up

This is something that I really need to do.

In terms of everything in life, it seems.

But, here's a funny that i'd like you to enjoy:

www.xkcd.com/507/

This Week

This week's been kinda crazy.

Started last Saturday.

Just a lot of things going on - things that I didn't think of thoroughly enough before promising.

Not checking my schedule before promising.

sighh.

Happy Hallow!

Celebrated Halloween last night by dressing up as a lady Riddler and going to Clarke Quay for a drink and a dance, then migrating to zouk for more dancing.

Amazing costumes out there.

Say one strange metal-head looking creature, he said that he was from the movie: Silent Hill. Ive seen the movie, but I don't remember seeing anything gold, with a metal-head that's shaped like a diamond.

I'll let you in on the pics when they're posted.

Red Red Wine

Don't ask...


I went to Kuala Lumpur last weekend, and during the trip, I had an epiphany - to be a bit blunt: beer is making me fat. To be more politically correct (like a typical Canadian) - it seems as if beer is contributing significantly to my dietary intake, to a point where I cannot burn off the calories that I consume.

Anyways, after the trip to Kuala Lumpur, and a brief discussion with Chris, I've decided that I'm going to psychologically chose to consider wine as an option. And recently, I've tried a few red wines, and I'm beginning to like it. I've figured that like most things: beer, durian, and any-other-thing-that-you-dont-like-at-first, wine is an aquired taste, and i'm beginning to acquire it. Of course, I'm a newbie, and have no idea what is wine that "tastes good" or wine that doesn't taste good - one day, I'll get there, now that I'm willing to put the liquid in my mouth and accept it.

Over the last two weeks, I've had the lovely opportunity to try out different wines, and accidentally white wine too (probably some ridiculously cheap but overpriced white souveignon Blanc from Howl at the Moon - was there last night for a comedy). The comedy was great though! So far, I've only tried Cabernet and Shiraz. Shiraz is.... can't quite find the word to pinpoint the taste - for an amateur, I'm going to say that it tastes signficantly more "sour" than the Cabernet Sauvignon. I've tried Jacon's Creek and French Cellar so far. The Australian Elderton that i've just had - is a Shiraz (68%) and Cabernet (32%) mix, is ridiculously "sour" and tastes much better at room temperature than chilled (which was what I had at first, and thus was able to experience the change in taste from chilled (at about 4 degrees Celsius) to room tempurature - it doesn't take that long when you're in a tropical country, and there's no air-conditioning in the living room/dining room area.

and thus, the experimenting continues!


By the way, it's a damn expensive hobby to upkeep over here.

backwards

it is good to realize and understand that, for the longest time, I have been stuck in the past.

Caught up.

Fixated, without really knowing it. it catches me unawares. Or, I was aware, but consciously chose to ignore and pretend that it was not.

It's almost liberating to know that perhaps this is what is hindering me. Holding me back, preventing me from taking leaps forward.

We've all heard that our past will shape our future. But, little did I realize that by using the little experience that I have as a benchmark, how greatly I am limiting my future.

Look beyond oneself, look at the experience of those around me in addition to my own. Seems quite straightforward and quite common-sensical to most, but there are the few of us to take a little longer to realize and catch up.

Red Red Wine and I'm Yours

Been having these two songs stuck in my head infectiously/perpetually for the last few days.

Listening to viva la vida

It's been about a year, and I still can't get enough of this song!!!

"That was when I ruled the world..."
It was a wild wind, blew down the doors to let me in... People couldn't believe what I'd become"


Came back from Brewerks, had a Hawaiian pizza tonight - mm, it was rather doughy... Yuck? Then, decided to mark papers instead of go to bed... So here I am, listening to my music on my blackberry, and marking away. It's so very strange how I'm so much more productive at home than at work... It's never been this way back in Canada! Too many things at home to distract me - now, there are too many things distracting me at the office! :)

Anyways, now that I'm a little behind schedule on my own marking target.... I'll need to do some catching up. Although, I must admit that I was a being a bit too ambitious and unrealistic when setting my goals, especially know that I'd be at school instead of at the office. Will know for tmr. ;)

Nitey now.
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Dreams

Not sure why...

For the last two nights, I haven't been sleeping well, and this comes in conjunction with my dreaming.

I haven't had any dreams since I've been in SG, especially not as vivid, as strange and emotionally charged as the ones i've had the last 48-56hours.

Pondering

Having been going through a different phase during work recently. It's exam/test-taking time, and life at work is a lot different than the past 11-12 weeks.

Things are going pretty slow - time is given to us to mark, mark and mark.

And, during these times, I feel pockets of "free time" where I'm not too sure what to do with myself. Perhaps it is the nature of the beast, but there's only so much one can mark before they lose focus and can't help but so something else, like I'm doing now.

Last week, at least I was partially productive, picking up my MCAT book during my free time. But, when Sunday rolled around, I just didn't feel like listening to Physics and studying it. Yes, it is my weakest subject, and it is the one that I should be concentrating on... because I don't really like it, and becuase that is one of the main areas that I am ridiculously weak in.

In a more recent conversation with Chris... it's been a while since I've had the opportunity to speak with someone about deep philosophical ponderings. I remember the last time I really went into a deep conversation ... was with Ju, about religion, love. I miss that.

I miss it... a lot.

I'm thirsting for it. I think, being in Singapore... with noone that I really know, don't feel comfortable enough with to really talk about things that are beneath the surface... (don't get me wrong, I'm really happy that i do have a regular group of people that I can get together and hang out with). You know when you feel those pangs of ... yearning for something. some sort of release, to get the hell out of this place... to run out into the sun, and to just do something to release all the pent up energy.. that's exactly how I am feeling right now. How I long for someone here to understand what's going on through my mind.... and to have someone who has similar desires and goals as I do.

I really miss being able to talk to my close ones back in Toronto. I really do.

Travelling

So, I've been thinking...

Travel is fun! Not exactly a relaxing thing to do - and, it doesn't need to be!

I want to travel to quite a few places near Singapore. A bit ashamed to admit this, but I've only recently looked at the map and have visually defined where Singapore is in relation to Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia, the Philippines, Vietnam and Hong Kong.

Thailand is so close, and it's closer to fly to Vietname than the Hong Kong!?!?!

I've been to one place: Bali, Indonesia.

Next up on the schedule is: an island in Malaysia

There are a few places that are a 45 min ferry ride away from Singapore (Bintan, Batam) but I'd prefer to go to few other places, in no particular order:

Thailand:
Beach: Krabi or Koh Samui. Prefer Krabi, less touristy.
City: Chiang Mai. I think I'd choose to come here more than Krabi... as much as I love the beaches, culture and history, and elephant parks is something that I want to experience.

Vietnam:
city: Saigon aka. Ho Chi Minh


Malaysia:
don't really have any preference. Though, the beaches would be nice.

Laos:
Don't know why, but I'm just not pulled to go visit.

Indonesia:
city: Jakarta to be squished in with the other 18 million people in the city.

Cambodia:
no clue. need to do more research


Any thoughts on where else to go, what to do in South East Asia?

Today

Heading over to register for a club membership :) that way, I'll be able to go swim!! :)

Ran with a colleague today, did the 2km without stopping!! It was good! Feel refreshed!
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Restless

It's hard not to be! I'll be getting about 14x30 exams to mark tomorrow, but there are so many things to look forward to!!

I went running yesterday evening, and I did a full 2K without stopping, was gasping for air and had to force my legs to keep moving so they don't collaspe under me, but the running was great! I went again today, haven't had a run this late before, the sun was already almost down - 7:05pm, but I made the 2K again, and this time it wasn't that painful!! So, I want to do it again: tomorrow and thursday. See if I can do it a few days in a row and improve my stamina!!

And. Of course only until Thursday, because friday, I have an F1 event to go to!!! My very first Formula One event!! Will need to remember to charge the camera and have a free 2GB Memory stick! It'll be a lot of fun with my fab ladies!

I've finished writing something for work, which makes me feel great!!! And, without classes this week, I should have much more time to study at home!!! I did some extra studying this weekend. I'm hoping to get in at least an extra two sessions in these two weeks :) I'll let you know how it goes.

So, if I can keep up with this sort of running, I'll need to get a new pair of runners and another tank and pair of running shorts. But, we'll see how it goes!! If anything, that will need to wait til next month. Speaking of exercise and such, I'm thinking of joining a club that's not too far from where I live! It's great that I get a really wicked deal for the membership since it's affiliated with my company. So, if everything works out, I'll have access to a 50m swimming pool. Hopefully go for a swim every other weekend or something like that!

An looking forward to the hang of things. Things will turn out alright.
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St James Power Station

It's been a long time since I've gone to bed so late in the night. Reminded me of the song: 4 in the morning.

The power station was quite awesome. I learned from my cabbie that the power station's quite busy on the weekends, even the non-holiday weekends, and even on sunday evening!

The station had quite a number of rooms, each playing a different kind of music. I gotta admit, the best room was the first room we went into: the salsa room. I wish we'd stayed there longer!! and of course, we also went to DragonFly, since that's where the ladies' night was!

It was great to have a few more people there. One of the gals brought her roommate plus roommate's sister! :)

It was a lot of fun!! Will def go back if I get the chance, and next time, not in stilettos.

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My first Travel Trip here

This coming week is the holidays, and I'll be going off to Indonesia!!!

Bali.

Kuta.

Can't wait to go for a spa/massage and soak up the sun.

With lots of sunscreen on, of course.


Probably won't be blogging during my stay there - but will write about it when i get back!

Heading Home from Chinatown

My plan went a bit wonky today. I've always planned to have my Sundays to be my working day - a day dedicated for me to do work related work, and my own self-studying work. I usually begin by making breakfast, and starting off with some marking. I like to give myself a block of 3-4 hours to just study, straight. Usually, the only time that fits such a large chunk of time is after lunch. So, about now.

Managed to look over a few things and do a bit if planning for my classes when I see them.

I've come to Chinatown to exchange some monies for my little trip to Indonesia. Really need to work on sticking to my planned budget.

Can't wait, I take off tomorrow evening!

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Sept 1, Teacher's Day

There's a Celebration day that grants students, teachers and teaching staff a holiday from school: Teacher's Day.

The celebration, usually takes place the day before Teacher's Day, is an event for students to pay tribute to their teachers. It's such a heart-warming event/occasion.

We also had a Teacher's Day Dinner, organized by the school for the staff to get together and have dinner. It was great - a good time to get to know the other teachers and speak with a few of the deputies.

:)

Will write again. Trying to post pictures up on facebook, but the Internet is not being cooperative. Will try again later.

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Reply

Forward

Testing

Just trying out this email to blog feature - I think I'll really boost my posting frequency.

Made a morning trip to the grocers. Now, heading out to mall to pick up a few books a ordered a week ago (really glad that I'm able to pick up the books now - a week earlier than I had anticipated!!)


I need to write about last night. My first time out to an art musuem, and it was a lot of fun!! It was my first experience with an "art museum" and it was interactive.
I loved the "vertical submarine" exhibition. You got to go into this closet (guarded by two black hooded/masked men - they looked like robbers in guard clothing). The closet led into another room. It was great! Standing inside the exhibit, you would see "people coming out of the closet". Literally. It was quite a clever, ingenious and funny way to get people to be a part of the art. Loved it. Another part of the exhibit had people make art. This artist had her background in education, and her work revolves around her interaction with people/children/adults/older adults, etc. She would record conversations and video what people were doing, how they interacted with each other. Their art was her art. It was fantastic. I ended up pastelling an amoeba.

Fun times.

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a little late

It's been two months already?!

It has been two months!

My sincere apologies for not updating you sooner. Life overseas is quite the experience.
The food. Oh, the food. I can talk about food for a long time.
The culture, the students, the work. Things have been going quite smoothly.

The transition from Toronto to Singapore has been a rather smooth one.

Though, i owe much. two months worth of photos, and e-mails. A bit pathetic, I admit. I'll get to it this weekend.

A few weeks ago, I decided to pick up jogging. Looking at my jogging patterns for the last three weeks, it has been rather... sporadic. I ran 3 times/week, then twice a week, and I haven't jogged since Sunday for this week, and Friday is already around the corner.



I want to talk to you about a movie that I've seen lately: GIA.
It is a very good drama. I highly recommend it if you are a Jolie admirer, or are up for a good drama. A warning though, the content is mature and is not suitable for children/young adults.

a game of D & D

My first time playing a RPG, and it was lots of fun.

Thanks to kenny for taking the time to think of the plot, and the story development.

I also learned a lot about myself tonight. That i still learning to think about the bigger picture, learning to make sense of everything. Learning.... learning....

Packing and things

I don't know why I'm such a slow packer!!
I find myself just sitting there thinking of what and how I should pack instead of just crakcing down to it, and to get a moving!!!

Got me a few suitcases.. so the things will be getting into the the luggage sacks.

Leaving for SG

that i am, that i am!!

I'll be leaving June 7th. It'll be in three weeks form tomorrow. I was talking to Ju yesterday, and it seems so close, but so far away.

There are so many things I want to do before I go, so many things to do, like pack and things. But, there's so little time!

I am starting to appreciate time. To appreciative thinking about what I need to do. Appreciative of planning. I think, that the last week was the first time where every morning, I'd thinking about the things that i needed to do that day, and then every night, i'd think about all the things that i needed to do the next day, and a few days ahead. I'm working on it.

Lots of things to do.

MD school is a thought that is lurking at the back of my mind. i'll explore it more when I'm in SG.

Staying on top of things...

someone is not really on the ball with things.

I need an organizer.

I carry too many things. too many redundant things.

we talked about a few things - getting an organizer that i carry with me everywhere - one of those with a pen attached so I will always have something to write in. And then, contemplating investing in a blackberry. So, i will have everything in one. not a separate pda or a calender and contacts, a seaprate phone, a separate music player. I wonder if i can get the blackberry to do a google calender function: to email me all the events that I have that week.

anywho. maybe i'll talk to hei about it tmr.

Internship

This has been the first week of my internship, and it's been going great!!!

I've been working with students on the robotics project, where students build robots from lego parts and program the robots to move down a path and go to different stations. The first station is the food and water station, where students need to program their bot to go to the station and then head back to the safe base. The food and water station is the closest station away from the 'safety' zone that they are in. Then, they try to get their bots to the radio station where it's a bit further away, and they program the bot to talk, like its speaking on the radio. And finally, they try to get their bot to reach the rescue station, where everyone upon reaching, everyone is safe!!!

Really neat and cool project!! I can't believe that I got a chance to work on it, it's such a privilege!!

re: Battling

After reading a friend's post...

do i agree.

We are our own greatest opponent. And, I daresay, greatest enemy.

Let there be no self-defeat.

decisions, decisions.

what can i say... decisions....

Thanks for the good night

Thank you for coming out last night!!!

It was great to see you there to celebrate yet another year of my life.

you guys are so thoughtful.

The cheesecake, was amazing!!!! thank you chris! ^^

untitled

It hasn't dawned on me yet, how life will be, as a lone individual, placed in a country where I have no connections, no friends. In an environment where I have never set foot on before.

I am, I know, nervous of this experience, yet both excited an interested at the same time.

There is so much for me to learn There is so much that I can build upon.
I know that the field of teaching, is not a job that you do perfect in day one. Rather, it is a profession where your skills can be refined over the years, as gold is refined through the fire. Of course, only if the gold is willing to be refined.

How did things happen so fast?

It seemed like only yesterday, and it is likely that within two short months, I will be on my way to the other side of the world.

What will I do to keep in touch with my friends here? What can I do to keep the relationships running? I know that for some, time and space does not move or sway, or lessen the relationship, but without communication, there is no understanging. And, where are we if there is no understanding?

I must confess that it is I who is lacking contributing with time and effort. I know that I have said this bfore, but have also failed to perform any substantial actions to better strengthen and build those relationships. And, if these are people who are so close to me, who live jus down the street, who live just a 15 minute drive away.... how will I fare when I am 4,000 kilometeres, a 14 hour plane flight away? It will take that much more time and effort on my part to make up those contributions.

I know that perhaps I am being more worrisome than things really are. I have freinds who I don't see that often, and we can hang out for the weekend (bow)!!

If things do happen... this will be my first time out and away. As in really being on my own.

Let's keep in touch.

there is time....

I've found the time to post a blog. More like, decided to use my time to post a blog.

Things have been moving! swell!

They are on the improving!

We did a soil lab today, and I think the students enjoyed that portion of the lab. It was probably the most engaging part, because the students got to go 'investigate' the pH of the soil!

I'm also doing a lab tomorrow. Acid Rain, and planting seeds. I really hope that things work out!
*fingers crossed*

Planning

Is training!

Definitely a way that helps me stay focused and on task. Only, some parts are easier than others. Of course, there's no free lunch. And, i do think that what i put into it, is what i will get out of it.


Let the planning marathon continue!

i need hearts!!!

Anyone know where I can find cow, pig, sheep hearts?

oh, how we try for education.

away from home?

as in, many, many miles away?

think I could do that? Perhaps for a new experience or for the prospects of having a job...

the job hunt does continue, and how far am I willing ot go to have my hands on one?

It is possible that I will have an offer to work overseas.

It's time for me to really consider.

meeting someone new

So, I've me someone new, someone that I've never come across before in my life.

Someone, that I think carries with them a lot of experiences, humiliation, roughness, being scorned and of course to be who they are, they are tough.

she's really tall. gets clothes from tall girls.

somehow, i feel that i admire her and at the same time, have a whole surge of other feelings... pity? sadness? wanting to reach out and share a bit of my heart?

I'm not too sure.



Today was a really good day. I had a chance to have somewhat of a heart-to-heart talk with my teach. Having faith, and having a purpose. For the little smaller things to count more than the huge grand ending/grand purpose.


And most of all, i thank you.
You helped me get through my roughest days. Adding on that bit of oil that i need to smoothen out the rough patches. You remind me that this is a practice session, and well, in order to practice, of course i need to make mistakes, and i need to learn from them!
I know that i need to look at failure in a positive light. And, of course, if I don't fail, how can i learn? If I don't think that I'm not doing well, how can I actually improve?


And, another thing: for me to take the time to realize what I really enjoy doing, what I really want to do in life. I want to become more than I already am. I want to get off my lazy ass and become that person who is responsible and lives up to my expectations.

Anyways, needt o get back to work. ciao.

a few quotes

Right now, these quotes are so heart warming:


"you need to add oil.

both figurtively and actually

there is no rough patch which some good old WD40 can't smoothen.

tigres are the king of the forests. don't get scared of the little bunnies"
-Lz
09.03.09

"Tests alone can't evaluate teachers."

(Gerald Bracey, researcher/writer in education matters)

"Correction does much, but encouragement does more."

(Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe)

"Never fail to know that if you are doing all the talking, you are boring somebody."

(Helen Gurley Brown) [From Sanderson Smith, via Rex Boggs]

"To succeed, you must first improve; to improve, you must first practice; to practice, you must first learn; to learn, you must first fail"

(Wesley Woo) [From Sanderson Smith, via Rex Boggs and Jonathan Lundell]


"Fail again. Fail better."

(Jonathan Lundell)


---------
Most of these quotes just cut straight to the chase, right through to the heart.

Learning encouragement. I want to learn encouragement.

Giving second chances. If I believe in giving second chances, then I must act it.

day one

So, today was my first day....

it was exhausting....

hope for a new day!!

Sea shells by the Seashore

I needed some sort of Paint Program to help me edit a diagram I found on the Internets for a class. I wanted to blank out the words .... And, well... Mac's don't have a microsoft Paint equivalent built into/installed on the machine so i did some hunting.

I stumbled across a blog that mentioned a few programs and after looking at the screen shots of a few: Tux Paint (for children), Pixen, Artrage, I decided on: Seashore.

And, it's pretty cool!! ^^

here's the link: http://seashore.sourceforge.net/

And, I should be nice and thank Mathieu for the advice.

Children's Books

A Voweller's Bestiary

This book is an amazingly wonderful book full of lippograms.

The uniqueness of the book is that the poems are based on the different combinations of vowels.

There are 32 different combinations available by 5 vowels (order doesn't matter). What the author, Jonarno Lawson, has done is that each word in each poem will contain the combination.

For example, in the poem that has the combination: o, a and u
all the words in this poem will have the vowels: o, a and u.

in addition to this, each poem is based on a particular animal, hence, the 'bestiary'.

the title of the poem that contains: o, a and u is

Orangutans, Toucans

glamorous toucans
outsoar coucals

so i'll give you the first 2 lines of the poem.

This is just facinating! And, many thanks to my Mathematics Instructor for this amazing idea. There are so many connections that can be made form this book. Such as, connecting poetry to mathematics. And connecting poetry to ecology and the investigation of animals!

one thing off my list

This is a great way to express thyself.

now i realize why i have time to be here on this blog and rite about these things - I'm living alone!!!

Anyways, I am done my biology assignment. And, to my slight disappointment, it's not as 'great' as it could be... but heck, given the time and the time that i'm willing (or not) to invest into it. it is what it is.

My time will be spent towards trying to get my foot into the Ministry to Education.

Good luck to me!

hard to concentrate....

HI!!!!!!

IT'S REALLY HARD TO CONCENTRATE..... cos, i have ants in my pants. I feel so jittery and jumpy.

I have an assignment due to tomorrow... but i also have more important things that are due... such as writing samples for ministries who 'might' hire me... and that is EXCITING!!!!

job application forms to send of..... acck!

lost and found

i was stressing over my lost tigger... oh where could he be? i looked everywhere for him... in the drawers, on the bed, under the covers, on top of the drawers, inside the show boxes...

he was nowhere to be found!

and then, i decided to lift up my mattress and the piece of ply wood...

and there he was -- hiding!!!!

tigger has been a very bad boy! He's been in the dark for such a long time!! It's good to have him back! I had to give him lots of pats (spanks) to rid him of all the dust that he must collected.

that's another weight of my chest.

have a few assignments i need to work on...
i'm hoping to get them done......

Teaching in Singapore...

This has ben a topic that's come up between Chris and I, and I do find the prospects of it quite appealing.

See, Singapore is like a hub - the central location of all the SouthEast Asian countries: Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Indonesia, Malaysia, Laos, Philippines... and Wikipedia has taught me that there are a few more countries that are there (which I don't know of: Timor, Brunei and Myanmar). And then, it's so close to Japan, Korea and Hong Kong. It'll be a great place to be to travel. Sighhhh. Travel... Now, the question is: will working in Singapore give me enough money to travel?

I suppose I will find out. There's an information session on Monday given by the Ministry of Singapore. I'm interested. I'm not sure if I'll be jetting this year, but we'll see what happens. Really, it's not on my 'to do list' right now, but it's definitely something that I will consider... if someone goes with me! ^^

And, if we can go together, it will be such a great experience.

ON.. What Teachers Make.

missyau posted a video of this a while ago, and being back at a school has brought this poem to the forefront of my mind.


It's called 'what teachers make' written by Taylor Mali (a teacher in the states).

A link to his poem is: http://www.taylormali.com/index.cfm?webid=13

He also has a youtube video of him reciting it.. i highly recommend it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxsOVK4syxU

I don't know how to embed a video... and if you know, leave a comment.

it is i...

perhaps it is i, who has caused you most pain.
i who has hurt you the most.

my heart grieves. what has been done cannot be undone.
what has passed by, we can no longer go back to grasp.

my heart is dying.
suffocating, perhaps.

turn to ashes.

what is there that I can do to make things better?
i am not sure that there is anything that i can do.
not sure if anything that i do do will make a difference.

because i cannot undo what i have already done.
we can not relive what we have already lived.

it is too bad. too bad.
yet the word bad does not describe the least magnitude of how i feel.
i wonder how you feel.

it is horrid. to live in this state.
to perpetually think of these things.

nothing we do in the future will subside those of the past.
nothing we attempt in the future will repress, wash over, cover and go over
what has come of the past.

and those were my actions.
those were my thoughts.
those were the actions that i did out of impulse.

and so, i will pay the consequences.
and i have paid. yet it is not enough.
i will continue to pay, dearly.

edit:
sorry i made you worry!!!! ^^
I'm alright, really! (yah, yah, i know you don't believe me).
But thanks for your comforts!

ah...

yes, the need to survive.

the need to provide myself with the basic necessities of Maslow's Triangle.

I will continue on.

it is a positive sign. i must put in the effort and time to complete that which i think is most difficult.

Mega Armour in Action!!

So, I've finished painting and decorating my big, bad, green Mega Armour dudes!!!

I seriously need to get a camera of some sort.

Oh, and i also painted a few of those burna boyz.


spent the Family Day, well, with family! we playeded a few games together...

other than that, i feel really.. 'meh' i've been in the house all day. Perhaps I what i feel is all the pent up energy from not doing anything. and, that's translating into being tired and sleep and a bit grumpy...

one more thing: getting a moon cup has resurfaced my mind again... ^^

my lack of writing

yes, fei is right.

I have been writing very infrequently. perhaps i should blog more to keep you posted (you as in YOU, reader!!!).

And, thus i shall. Let's try this...

oh darn.. need to write another cover letter. will resume blogging asap....

btw, fei - i like the layout of your blog - and the header picture. ^^

edit:

okay, so back to my update... i finished an assignment for my educational psychology class. It was quite fun writing it. Right now, I'm reading a book called: "Three wishes: Palestinian and Israeli children Speak - Deborah Ellis". I"ll have some review questions to answer in response to the book. The book is quite interesting. It's pretty much a compilation of interviews with Palestinian and Israeli children, alternating between the two ethnic groups. They talk abotu their experiences, their life in Israel. It's pretty chaotic. With the war, guards, soldiers, bombings.

I'm also working on my Ork Army!

I've gotten a lot of new additions! I took a few pictures on my one and only existing camera that i can upload to a computer: my iphone cam. I'll get them transferred another time and show them of later.

night!

need more painting

Now that i've got one resume submitted...

i need to start working on my next set.

And, i miss painting!!! Speaking of which, i should get one of those 'fishing' boxes to sort all the bits and pieces that i have from my Ork army.

Yes, i should post a picture of my work one day....

I still have:
- 5 burna boyz to finish painting
-20 ork boyz, 1 killa kan, to assemble, prime & paint
-5 mega armored nobz to 'deal' with. See, i painted 4 of them previously, and have decided that I don't like the way i painted them. They yellow too bright, etc. etc. plainly put: i didn't put much effort into painting them, and it shows on the models. These metal models need to be stripped of the paint. We got some paint thinner form Home Depot... but it's not working.... hmm.. i think we need to go some other sort of 'thinner'.
-20 shoota boyz to touch up
-and ALL my bases to paint!!! (and this is for about another 25 models in addition to the ones above)

That's a LOT of work!!
Hopefully, i'll be able to get some painting done over the weekend.

ms. stress ball

So, here i am sitting.

the things we learned in my psych ed class are just racing thorough my mind as I think about myself and the amount of effort i am putting into this cover letter business.

The thing about being praised of 'being smart' or a 'natural', a 'talent', 'intelligent'... opposed to being praised ' you worked hard' or 'good work' or 'you tried very hard'. Studies show that students who were praised 'you're smart, etc' were less likely to want challenges and were less likely to thrive and be resistant to setbacks than students who were praised for their hard/good work. The reasoning behind this is those who were priased of being a natural talent or are intelligent believe that they have something to live up to.. that they need to continue to have such a performance.

Am i feeling that now. You see, if i need to put A LOT of effort into something, doesn't that mean that I am not smart enough, because i need to put SO much effort into it? Or, if i put effort into something, and it's not good, or the results that come from it do not demonstrate that i am indeed 'intelligent, or am a talent, or that i am smart', then I am not living up to what I have been praised for: being smart. So if i am not smart... what am i?

No, no.. there's no way that i could be stupid....

and, this goes on and on.

so, i suppose that i believe i am smart, and that i am capable. Now then, why is it so damn difficult? I feel that I am putting in a lot of effort, and i am definitely putting in a lot of time. why am i not getting any results? am i realy not trying hard enough? I think that's it's not posible that i'm stupid... so, i just give up. because, putting any more effort.. is too much effort for my 'intelligent' self to exert. It's just better to self-handicap than to have to face any evidence that will support 'i am not intelligent or capable'.

i don't know which is more breaking: the realization that I am not succeeding, or the realization that i have such a mode of thought. Either way, the facts aren't good.

damn it.

well, enough of this.

I need to work on my applications.

gaming

a 23 dollar box of models.... has an entertainment duration of about 8 - 10 hours.

hmmm.

interesting thought.

Wall.E

is so cute!

And, i have my walle!! ^^ It's in my head!!

I feel homesick, except the 'sick'ness is not for home. I miss kissy! a lot. I think i've become a bit reliant. and, that is a gross understatement.

you know, when you get this pit in your tummy/gut, or heart (but it feels lower than the heart, more like the stomach) ... and then your head thinks of a single entitiy. And, you associate the pit with the entity. Well, that's what's happening. 'cept the entity isn't 'home'.

and, i'm worried. I think i double booked. I thought I'm going to ski trip ealier this friday, but I just put the two-and two together, that i am supposed to meet with student friday afternoon.
so, i called them asking if they want to move it to wednesday. let's cross our fingers and hope that she's free on wed.

otherwise, i'll have to stay in T.O. until 430pm. and, that means all the other people will need to stay too? Or, i could try to do something else, like go over to their house on an evening.

oh der.. this is going to be ugly. methinks.

self-doubt

Sometimes, i just doubt.

And all these thoughts come rushing to my head.

sometimes, i'm too scared to put it up here. I want you, who i've asked to read this to read this... and to know this.. and all th things that are runniing through my head.

but, i'm scared of people who might get their eyes on this. And, that's holding me back.